January 26, 2020
  • 4:15 pm معايدة صاحب الغبطةيوحنا العاشر بطريرك أنطاكية وسائر المشرقميلاد ٢٠١٩
  • 4:14 pm True Word of Life Church “LIVE” Worship
  • 4:14 pm World Famous Foot Model Sasha Soles Foot Worship
Cults Don’t Stand a Chance Against Ted Patrick (feat. Gary Anthony Williams) – Drunk History

– Hello. My name is
Anais Fairweather, and tonight I’m gonna
tell you the story of Ted Patrick. – Wait. Will you go like this? – Is there a fly? – You got gnats in here. – [gasps] Oh, my God! [blowing] – I don’t know why
you let all these gnats in.– So the day is July 4,
14-year-old Michael Patrick
comes home.
He’s [bleep] up.His eyes are all
He looks like he’s been
set into trance.
His father, Ted Patrick,
runs to the door
and he’s like,
what the [bleep]?
You were supposed to be home
hours ago.
He’s like, I was talking
to children of God,
and I’m gonna go [bleep]
live with them now.
Here’s a pamphlet.Here’s what they’ve been
telling me.
Ted Patrick’s like,
[bleep] that!
He looks at the pamphlet
and he’s like,
this is a bunch of
brainwashing bullshit.
Get in your bed,
go to sleep–done!
His son goes to bed,
and Ted Patrick
doesn’t think about it
for another week.
A week later after
Fourth of July,
after this whole thing
went down,
this friend runs in
and she’s like,
I need your help.
My [bleep] son Billy,
14 years old–No.[laughing]
19 years old…
has been missing
since Fourth of July,
last seen with a bunch of
people holding bibles.
He’s been gone
since Fourth of July!
So he starts making
all these phone calls.He gets the names of 52 kidswho has been taken by
the Children of God.
52 [bleep] kids gone–
in one week!
The police and authorities,
they all say, sorry,
can’t do anything about it
because, you know,
most of these kids are like
19 years old, 18 years old.
They–they can make their
own decisions at this point.
Ted Patrick says like,
well, there’s only one thing
I can do–I gotta become
a Children of the God.
A Child of the God.
So [bleep] Ted Patrickgoes out to Mission Beach,follows what his son told himwhere all those kids were
hanging out, sees the bus.
The bus is painted
Children of God on the side.
He sees all these
good-looking young kids
preaching the word of God
on the outside of the bus.
He’s like,
that’s the [bleep] bus.
They ask him all these
questions like,
are you a follower of God,
do you love God,
how much money do you have
in your bank account?
And Ted Patrick’s like,they just [bleep] want
my money.
I’m so drunk. [both laughing]And they like kiss cheeksand then he like
high-fived ’em
and then got on the bus.[solemn music]They drive to Santee
in San Diego.
It’s a commune there,
Children of God commune.
Ted Patrick walks into
this commune,
and there’s speakers
[bleep] lining the walls.
David Berg, who’s like the
Moses of Children of God,
is just like blaring out
his prophecies
which are things like
Jesus loves you,
but the only way
that he loves you
is if you denounce
your parents,
if you give up all of your
money and your possessions,
if youonlydo this.And if you step off of
this commune
and you do not become
a Child of God,
then the [bleep] devil’s
gonna get you.
They’re gonna
strike you dead.
And imagine this time.Of course these kids
are [bleep] believing that, because they’re already
kind of rebelling against their parents, rebelling against
the government.They’re confused.
They’re looking for answers.
And, you know,
Ted Patrick’s 41 years old,
so he’s like, I’m, A,
have been in the service,
B, I’m a middleweight
[bleep] boxer.
– Oh, really?
– Yeah, dude, he was!So anyway, he’s like,
I can probably
[bleep] withstand this
and gain some intel
on this [bleep]
Children of God shit.
44 hours later, he hasn’t
[bleep] eaten anything,
he hasn’t drinken anything.This is all the Children
of God brainwashing.
All that he’s been receiving
is the world of David Berg.
He’s like, you know
the devil [bleep] wants you.
The devil wants to get
in your little head…
and all this shit.So then finally, at 48 hours,he’s finally allowed
to take a nap.
It was wall-to-wall,
head-to-foot people
sleeping in this room
that smelled like shit
on tiny little blankets.
But people were passing out
’cause they were so exhausted
and hungry and thirsty.He wakes up after
a three-hour nap.
He’s like,
I believe this shit.
What the [bleep]
am I talking about?
I don’t believe this shit!
This shit’s [bleep] bullshit!
He’s like, I gotta get
the [bleep] out of here.
He runs up to like one of
those little guys
and he’s like, I gotta
give you everything I own.
If I don’t,
the devil’s gonna get me,
and they’re like, you’ve
accepted the word of God.
And he’s like, uh-huh!
So he like leaves,
and they’re like, bye!And he was like,
if I don’t do something,
nobody’s gonna do something.So he started the Free COG–
Free Children of God.
And he talked to
a bunch of parents.
All those 52 families,
there were parents who said,
I’ll be [bleep] willing
to give up anything.
And then he’s like…you.
You need help.
This couple,
and they have a daughter.
She dropped out of USC
and joined Children of God.And so he goes–he [bleep]
infiltrates the commune
with her parents.He grabs her,
and she’s [bleep] screaming
[bleep] you,
you’re the devil–
all this shit–
and Ted Patrick’s like,
okay, whatever.
I’m not.
He shoves her in the car,
shuts the door, drives off. I’m…very drunk. – You’re okay.
– At the time right now. [giggling] All right, so–
– Welcome. – Thank you.
– Okay, so Ted Patrick,he takes the girl
who was a USC dropout,
[bleep] brings her
to a motel.
Three days of questioning.
He asks the last question.
Well, why does God
want your parents to die?
Her eyes changed.She lifted out of the trance,and he said it was the most
beautiful thing
he’d ever seen.And she was like,
I am so sorry.
I’ve been calling you the
black devil this whole time.
I’ve been telling my parents
I [bleep] hate them.
I’m so sorry.She apologized profusely
to everybody,
hugged everybody…and was like,
you saved my life.
And Ted Patrick
looked at her
and he was like,
you’ve been deprogrammed.
They were all like,
holy shit,
thank you…you know?[laughing] What am I saying right now? – [laughing]– So he gets a phone call
from Ralph Collins.
He’s like this really
well known realtor.
And he’s like,
I need your help.
My daughter Pam
has been taken
by the Children of God
with her fiancé,
and I need your [bleep]
They hop in the car.They drive to the commune
in Colorado.
They pull up to thisvery [bleep] high-stakes
There’s like people
on watch towers
and vicious dogs
running around,
350 young adults
just being like,
I am a robot.Ralph Collins
sees his daughter walking up
and he’s like, she looks
like a [bleep] alien.
And she [bleep] pulls up,
walks up to the car
with five dudes,and Ted Patrick’s like,
So he’s with this guy Danny
who knows karate.The parents pop out of
their car and they’re like,
and Pam’s like, Dad, Mom.
He opens up the trunk,
and [bleep] Danny
the [bleep] Karate Kidchops Pam’s fiancé
in the face.And then Ted Patrick
is like, gotcha!
And she’s like,
what the [bleep]?
They grab Pam, throw her
in the back of the car,
skid out of there.
He drives off.
And then they drive
to a motel.
Ted Patrick questions Pam
for two days,
and Pam finally came to.And her eyes shifted
and she was like,
Mom, Dad, I [bleep] up,
and Ted Patrick knew.
He looked at her in the eyes
and he was like,
you’re fine, you’re good.
You’re deprogrammed.
And so he dedicated his lifeto helping people recover
from these brainwashings.
And he was like, the only way
I can live with myself
after what I witnessed
at Children of God commu–
commune is if I…help these people.He knew he was
the only person
that had the [bleep] balls
to do this.
No one else wanted
to touch this shit.
Ted Patrick is creditedwith deprogramming
upwards of a thousand ex-cult memberswho were very stoked.‘Cause they were like,
I got my brain back!
Thank you!
– [laughs]
– Ted Patrick was like,
you can just call me
Black Lightning,
and everyone was like,
pffft, been calling you
that for days.
I don’t like to be
judgmental of, like,
people’s belief systems, because everyone
believes something different, but these belief systems
aren’t religions. They’re cults because
you no longer have rights. You don’t have freedoms.Ted Patrick was like,
when these [bleep] cults
are advertising correctly,when they [bleep]
brand themselves right,
[snaps] I’ll be done.Until then,
I’ma [bleep] deprogram
all these [bleep] kids.That’s that he did. – Cheers.
– Cheers! – Yay!
– [laughing] – To finding the truth. – Holy shit. What a [bleep] lightweight
I am. [laughing]

Otis Rodgers



  1. DEATHWISH -CHRIS Posted on August 1, 2019 at 2:31 am

    This is how you tell a fucking story!
    Dang gamnit

  2. DEATHWISH -CHRIS Posted on August 1, 2019 at 2:40 am

    There's some excellent docs on this story on YouTube. Children of God.

  3. dennis vdk Posted on August 1, 2019 at 8:39 am

    sure she is drunk, sounds more like horney the way she talks xD It's like im watching a pornoXD

  4. J_ Posted on August 1, 2019 at 11:22 am

    this would be a great movie

  5. Jimmy Hobo Posted on August 1, 2019 at 11:47 am

    This played out like a show in the 90s

  6. Steezus Christ Posted on August 1, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    Someone should make a movie about this guy!

  7. Frankie Teague Posted on August 1, 2019 at 5:24 pm

    Why yall hatin on all jesus cause o some cultists?

  8. Angela Harvey Posted on August 1, 2019 at 5:53 pm


  9. ArcDragoon Posted on August 1, 2019 at 6:16 pm

    Gary Anthony Williams looks great with that weight loss.

  10. Mr.Criptastic Posted on August 1, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    8:08 they should have had him hold up a pillow to his face to match the audio

  11. carapo66 Posted on August 2, 2019 at 12:03 am

    Never heard of this man, what a story.

  12. Gail Nelson Posted on August 2, 2019 at 12:22 am

    Danny the f#cking karate export now that's a f*ckin movie

  13. Uncle Ruckus Posted on August 2, 2019 at 3:55 am

    Sexiest voice all I can think about is fuckin her brains out

  14. Traveling On a Shoestring Posted on August 2, 2019 at 5:04 am

    Holy crap this is crazy!! Wow. That is some intense kind of history.

  15. bread Posted on August 2, 2019 at 9:55 am

    Lets play a drinking game everytime she tells you how drunk she is take a shot

  16. Leuan Legoev Posted on August 2, 2019 at 10:24 am

    9:04 That magical glass – it's self-filling – I want it!)

  17. DA BOUL BLACKLUNGZ Posted on August 2, 2019 at 10:47 am

    The "Heavens Gate" cult could have used a man like Ted Patrick lol.. I cant believe all those people commited suicide with those fresh ass nikes on, n their matching track suits, thinking that a ufo that was following hailies comet was gonna pick up their souls.. 😐😐😐

  18. Lukas Helmut Mauritz Posted on August 2, 2019 at 12:33 pm


  19. George Warren Posted on August 2, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    I keep thinking she's saying Saint Patrick

  20. Kaleb Lang Posted on August 2, 2019 at 10:25 pm

    Wow nothing Comedy Central puts out is funny anymore.

  21. bruh Posted on August 3, 2019 at 6:59 am

    "And these kids were fucking preaching the word of God and he's like 'this is the fucking bus!'" Lmao

  22. Marlo Hansen Posted on August 3, 2019 at 7:36 am

    Wtf did I just watch?

  23. Timothius Zamora Posted on August 3, 2019 at 8:18 pm




  24. ZeroHourTV Posted on August 4, 2019 at 12:12 am

    The Deprogrammer 2: Ted Patrick Vs Scientology

  25. Beautifully Broken Posted on August 4, 2019 at 12:59 am

    Didn't the first one go back to the cult & he had to perfect his method on them by doing it a second time.

  26. Aeon Posted on August 4, 2019 at 6:50 am

    funny, she just define Christianity and sum as cult, which they already are

  27. beneath.the.roses Lucid Dream Journal Posted on August 4, 2019 at 3:40 pm

    Holy shit, she's hilarious. This was a good one. I want to watch more episodes with her.

  28. Nicolas Johnson Posted on August 4, 2019 at 7:38 pm


  29. Johnny Posted on August 4, 2019 at 7:52 pm

    That’s the fucking bus!

  30. Chris Morris Posted on August 4, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    Dude my son starts talking about a cult or a commune I'm gonna just go to each and every one of thwir meetings and just pop their bubbles and convince the people on how fucking good they actually have and that life is to short to worry about shit like god and satan we're a fucking speck on a speck on top of a speck compared to the universe which is still expanding to this day now why the fuck would any Supreme being want to deal with a race of beinga like us for real fucking think about it humans can do stupid,violent,and self destructive only species to commit suicide and we're all racist go to china just a bunch of 4'4 and 4'10 people go to america and you got drunks degenerates and junkies go to ruasia as an american have fun getting out of a bogus charge their police are throwing on you for fun germany you got some seriously either loud and out spoken drunks or a csgo player australia is only 1% populated by humans they lost a war to birds and all people can think are beaers and barbies and putting more shrimp on said barbie though the wild folk(country folk) I can hear them clear as a whistle I can speak drunk and since I'm also a mainah so mumblers kinda make up half are state so you get used to thick accents

  31. Michael Hurlburt Posted on August 5, 2019 at 12:34 am

    Don't kidnap anyone, even if you are trying to save them.

  32. Vincent Tavani Posted on August 5, 2019 at 7:47 am

    Thank you, ant.

  33. HermesTrimegistus Posted on August 5, 2019 at 1:34 pm

    Is the guy playing David Berg, Keegan Michael Key?

  34. TN BN Posted on August 5, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    Why does Danny travel in the trunk though?

  35. Huummus Man Posted on August 5, 2019 at 10:04 pm

    What a badass

  36. Jordan Yox Posted on August 5, 2019 at 11:10 pm

    wait til comedy central releases all the videos of him fucking the story tellers after

  37. TokitoTaishiro Posted on August 5, 2019 at 11:42 pm

    This series makes me wonder if some of the people they talk about like Ted Patrick who are still alive ever find this channel and watch videos like this about them. I'd be really interested to find out what they think about other people's interpretation of what they accomplished.

  38. Darkus Rays Posted on August 6, 2019 at 1:49 am

    so you can say shit but not fuck

  39. kinigarawakashikuhah Posted on August 6, 2019 at 3:06 am

    7:15 did that karate kid pop out from the trunk?! So after showing of his karate move did he went back into the trunk also where do you get karate kid?!

  40. wherefancytakesme Posted on August 6, 2019 at 4:12 am

    And today, this same cult is responsible for that gif of the sheep doll falling off a cliff.

  41. Paige White Posted on August 6, 2019 at 4:45 am

    The irony!😂😂

  42. Adam warlock Posted on August 6, 2019 at 4:58 am

    Look up dawn watson

  43. Ed Barzee Posted on August 6, 2019 at 6:22 am

    We need Ted Patrick to deprogram these Trumpists

  44. Jermaine Gibson Posted on August 6, 2019 at 7:28 am

    I love these episodes!

  45. Hannah More Posted on August 6, 2019 at 9:49 am

    Kidnapping and 'deprograming' people of the age of consent, 18, is a federal crime in the USA. Just so you know.

  46. Cnupoc Posted on August 6, 2019 at 3:01 pm

    plot twist: Guy is not sitting there for listening to her stories. He's getting her drunk so he can then occult that pussy in to oblivion and she's even being funny while he's at it!

  47. virtuosomaximoso1 Posted on August 6, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    I get the Simpsons reference now.

  48. Radfox Posted on August 6, 2019 at 5:19 pm

    In 1980 Patrick was paid $27,000 to carry out the deprogramming of Susan Wirth, a 35-year-old teacher living in San Francisco. He was hired by her parents, who objected to her involvement in leftist political activities. The process involved handcuffing her to a bed for two weeks and denying her food. She was later released and after returning to San Francisco spoke out against deprogramming but declined to press legal charges against her parents or Patrick.

  49. Tom Morrison Posted on August 6, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    Ted Patrick charged about $20,000 to "deprogram" some one.

  50. Muhammad Abdul Malik Posted on August 6, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    Her laugh at the end 😍 😘

  51. Wanderlust: Tales of a Solo Traveler Posted on August 6, 2019 at 9:58 pm

    Drunk people educate me more than my own high school history teachers.

  52. Selemnia Posted on August 6, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    I love vicious dogs like that!! My dog is just as vicious 😂😂😂

  53. bryce saylor Posted on August 6, 2019 at 10:38 pm

    “These are cults cause you no longer have freedoms” applies to many religions.

  54. Jonathan Booker Posted on August 6, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    Danny the karate kid 😂😂😂

  55. A Nobody Posted on August 7, 2019 at 1:55 am

    Is it sexist that all I could think about is how she’s hot?

  56. Robo Cop Posted on August 7, 2019 at 2:34 am

    Why deprogram people who can be programmed. They are a liability in the journey of the human race. What if aliens came and reprogrammed those sucks to kill everyone'?!?!

  57. Someone Anonymous Posted on August 7, 2019 at 4:18 am

    "Mom dad fuck that"

  58. TheRealArrendondo Posted on August 7, 2019 at 7:14 am

    Smart Brotha is small now

  59. Capo Posted on August 7, 2019 at 8:04 am

    Those vicious dogs tho.

  60. whoaAZN Posted on August 7, 2019 at 10:16 am

    This was great storytelling for how drunk she was.

  61. Fourth-Dimensional Quasar Posted on August 7, 2019 at 12:55 pm

    The only difference between a religion and a cult is the number of members.

  62. feh meh Posted on August 7, 2019 at 2:03 pm

    5:18 What 3rd wave feminist be like, and what they needed.

  63. M M Posted on August 7, 2019 at 2:12 pm

    What an amazing man!

  64. dennislp3 Posted on August 7, 2019 at 2:41 pm

    voiceover acting on point…wtf lol so good with the timing. Anyways…it's the little things

  65. See Cha Posted on August 7, 2019 at 9:17 pm

    Sadly, based on today's standards, Ted Patrick's approach to acquiring and de-programming these people would be considered illegal and labeled as "false imprisonment."

  66. Armonis Posted on August 8, 2019 at 1:27 am

    As an ex-cult member, this dude is a fuckin' BAMF.

  67. Sinead B Posted on August 8, 2019 at 3:56 am

    Holy f*** I live in Santee, that's hilarious!

  68. MagicalPandaStudios Posted on August 8, 2019 at 5:21 am

    I'd have no problem killing a bunch of those kids, so I could get my kid back
    (For those dumb people "how would you take them all on". Simple: 1911)

  69. DrScream Posted on August 8, 2019 at 2:59 pm


  70. fatalcolumn123 Posted on August 8, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    In case anyone is curious

    The actress who represents the daughter is Angela Trimbur. Her channel on Youtube is Angela, but if you type her name up, it should pop up c:

  71. Michael Walton Posted on August 8, 2019 at 8:04 pm

    Wtf!? I thought this was the History of Drunks? Oh well, I'm gonna subscribe anyway!😁👍

  72. Sathya Ram Posted on August 8, 2019 at 11:02 pm

    how is this funny?

  73. Jessii S Posted on August 9, 2019 at 12:40 am


  74. Satan'sOnion Posted on August 9, 2019 at 12:50 am

    Wish Ted would do something about Catholicism.

  75. griiseknoen Posted on August 9, 2019 at 4:16 am

    "Holy shit… thank you… you know… "

    Angela Trimbur. Killing it on the court and on the screen.

  76. Ken & Shan Posted on August 9, 2019 at 6:21 am

    I wish she had !are him say "dumb lil white girl! This shit heres a cult!"

  77. Jesse k Posted on August 9, 2019 at 8:52 am

    "Mom, dad I fucked up" we all been there before

  78. SwoodMan 127 Posted on August 9, 2019 at 12:24 pm

    So we’re just not gonna talk about how he’s wearing Kiryu’s signature suit?

  79. Juan Flores Posted on August 9, 2019 at 12:26 pm

    God I want to fuck her

  80. Jayyy Zeee Posted on August 9, 2019 at 1:40 pm

    It sounded like she was saying "Teh-Patrick" because her speech was so slurred. Kinda cute.

  81. Sol Murphy Posted on August 9, 2019 at 4:35 pm

    her voice is annoying

  82. Heather Birge Posted on August 9, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    It took me way too long to recognize Gary Anthony Williams…

  83. muneem islam Posted on August 9, 2019 at 7:43 pm

    doesn't all religion starts out as cults

  84. Shineece Cudjoe Posted on August 9, 2019 at 7:43 pm

    I would watch a whole Netflix series on this.

  85. KneedleKnees Posted on August 9, 2019 at 9:46 pm

    Her specification of cults and religions is just an explanation of religion

  86. Jayna's Design Posted on August 10, 2019 at 1:15 am

    Kids would remember history better this way, with brief and kinda goofy layout in movie form that skips all the minute details, lol. Then you could backtrack for those in literature, heh.

  87. BERZERK Wolfgangson Posted on August 10, 2019 at 3:21 am

    8:38 was that supposed to be a fist bump xD

  88. 4NN13 H Posted on August 10, 2019 at 3:31 am

    What an amazing guy ❤️👍

  89. Captive Cat Posted on August 10, 2019 at 4:24 am

    “Vicious dogs” that’s a good boi what are you talking about

  90. Joel Romero Posted on August 10, 2019 at 6:25 am

    Ted Patrick is a disgusting kidnapper who would go on to sell his services to the highest bidder.
    He once was paid $27,000 to kidnap a 35-year-old woman by her parents because they didn't agree with her "leftist political activities". She was handcuffed to a bed and denied food for 2 weeks.
    He would also regularly kidnap lgbt+ youths and try to "deprogram" their sexual orientation.

    Are ya'll just running out of stories to tell, or did you not fully research this man?

  91. Vincent Vega Posted on August 10, 2019 at 8:19 am

    Wtf am i watching

  92. Bee Posted on August 10, 2019 at 8:50 am

    Omg she's adorable 😂

  93. Moni Pampeloni Posted on August 10, 2019 at 9:26 am

    This drunk history stuff is the best.

  94. Wendy Devereaux Posted on August 10, 2019 at 1:35 pm

    How about that wall of old speakers at 3:52

  95. CA2VA Posted on August 10, 2019 at 2:33 pm

    We need Ted Patrick to deprogram Trump supporters. They all seem like cult members.

  96. Maharlika Laya Posted on August 11, 2019 at 3:54 pm

    They had me at "vicious dogs"

    ALRIGHT, I'M IN!!!

  97. Belligerent Whale Posted on August 11, 2019 at 4:52 pm

    I'd fuck my mom for a Klondike bar