Rachel Bloom – The Hunt For Adolf Eichmann – Drunk HistoryOtis Rodgers September 11, 2019 100 Comments
– Hello. [snorts softly]
I’m Rachel Bloom, and today we’re gonna talk
about the capture… of Adolf Eichmann. So Israel’s established
in 1948, and Israel’s like,
okay, we need our own CIA. And so they form the Mossad,
and David Ben-Gurion, who’s the prime minister,
is like, I’m going to appoint you, Isser Harel,
to be head of Mossad. And Isser Harel is like,
awesome. We’re gonna hunt down
Nazi war criminals, ’cause there are
a lot of Nazis still, like, chilling. And the guy at the top
of their list is Adolf Eichmann, who literally planned
the Holocaust. So Isser Harel is like, let’s nail this [bleep]
mother[bleep] to the wall like a
[bleep] moose who’s been hunted. Meanwhile, Adolf Eichmann
is living in Argentina, making, like, a new alias.
And he’s like… [in German accent]
Hmm, what’s an Argentinean-sounding name? Oh, I know: Ricardo Clement. Good job, Adolf–
I mean, Ricardo. Wink.
However, his kids, who were there with him,
they’re like, well, I’m really attached
to Eichmann. It’s, like, in all
my yearbooks. Like, I’m just gonna–
I’m gonna–I’m gonna keep it. So, the Eichmann kids
are [bleep] stupid. – [chuckling] – [laughing] Okay, so… in the 1950s, Eichmann’s son,
Klaus, starts dating this very nice girl, Sylvia. And when she’s like,
Daddy, I’m dating, like, the best guy.
His name is Klaus Eichmann. And he’s like, that’s weird. My dog loves licking
her [bleep]. – [laughs]
– My dog licks her vagina more than any dog.
– That’s cool. – Anyway, so Sylvia’s father,
Lothar Hermann, is like,
huh, Eichmann, Eichmann… [in German accent]
Where have I heard that name? [dramatic percussive music] And so, Lothar tips off
the Mossad. And he’s like,
my daughter’s dating a guy named Klaus Eichmann.
Like, this might be Adolf Eichmann–
and this might be the son of Adolf Eichmann. And the Mossad is like, we need to check this guy out. And so, they send operatives
to Argentina, all of whom
are Holocaust survivors. And they’re like, you need to
take pictures of Eichmann to make sure this is Eichmann,
so that we’re not just, like, capturing some poor
Argentinean dude. – Smart. – Okay, so… – [chuckles]
– No! – What are you looking for? – My water went
under the couch. – I got you. You got it?
– Thanks, friend. – Mm-hmm. – So, they send a guy, who just kind of
walks up to him while he’s gardening,
and they’re like, tell us how you garden.
And he’s like, well…
and he, like, starts to explain gardening to them. And the whole time, they have a suitcase that has,
like, a spy camera in it, so they’re like…
[imitates camera clicking] And he’s like,
what’s that sound? They’re like, nothing. So they send the pictures back to Israel,
and the Mossad is like, dudes, this is Eichmann.
Let’s get him there. But Harel’s like, whoa. Argentina is really bad…
– Mm-hmm. – About extraditing Nazis. They, like, don’t give a shit
for some reason. I don’t know why.
I don’t know why! But they’re just bad about it. And he tells Zvi Aharoni, if we’re gonna capture
Adolf Eichmann, we’re gonna have to–
we’re gonna have to, like, full-on kidnap him. Like-like a kid
on a milk carton. We’re gonna have
to milk-carton Adolf Eichmann. – Mm.
– So… the four operatives, um… they go to Argentina–
it’s weird to tell a story about Nazis and be so cozy. – [chuckles]
– Anyway, they park a deserted car to lure Eichmann. And they’re like, okay guys, so…to distract ourselves we need to come up
with a group name. How about…
“The Kidnapping Friends”? And one of them’s like,
no, I don’t–I– okay, if we’re gonna come up
with names, now’s not the time to do it–
but if we’re going to, I think it should be called
“The Abduction Posse.” And another one’s like,
no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, how about,
I don’t know, “The Snatch Squad?” And they’re like,
Snatch Squad! And just then, that’s when
Eichmann walks down the road. And they’re like,
uh, our car is broken down. [suspenseful music] Psych! It’s not! And they tackle Eichmann. They just, like, full-on, like, bum-rush Eichmann. And they get him in the car, and my dog continues
to lick her own [bleep]. – I’ll be dogged. I wanna do the rest of the story
lying down. – You do it.
You do what you– you do it the way you want.
– So, they bring him to a safe house,
and then they try to question him to make sure
it’s Adolf Eichmann living in Germany–
Ar-Argentina. And Eichmann’s like, hola.
[laughs] Me llamo Ricardo Clement. [laughing] Like, he’s
pretending to be Argentinean. They’re just like,
clearly not. You are a pasty white
German dude. And finally,
he drops all the shit, and he’s like, all right,
I’m Adolf Eichmann. Can I get a glass of wine? And they’re like, okay,
there is a plane leaving from Buenos Aires to Israel. How do we sneak Eichmann
onto this plane? So May 20, 1960,
they sedate Adolf Eichmann, they dress him up
as an El Al flight attendant– which is the Israeli airline– and they literally, like,
drag him to the airport. Like, full-on
“Weekend At Bernie’s”-ing the orchestrator of, like,
the worst thing that’s ever happened
in their lives, and just being like,
hey, I’m tired. Hello, I’m an
El Al flight attendant. And they’re
literally carrying him like, onto the plane. I mean, like,
the story’s [bleep] insane. So they get him to Israel, and they put
Eichmann on trial. And he’s convicted,
and…he’s hung outside of Tel Aviv.
– Wow. – And the guys
who captured him are like, look, f… far be it for we
to celebrate death, but also, um, [bleep] yeah. – [bleep] the Nazis.
– [bleep] the Nazis, man. I’m alive.
I’m 97.4 Ashkenazi.
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