September 19, 2019
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Stephen Colbert’s LIVE Monologue Following Democratic Debate #2


WELCOME ONE AND ALL, IN HERE,
OUT THERE, TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. WE ARE COMING TO YOU LIVE. COMING TO YOU LIVE AFTER
TONIGHT’S DEMOCRATIC DEBATE. TONIGHT WE SAW CLASH OF THE BIG
B’s, BIDEN, BERNIE, BUTTIGIEG, BICKEN-BLOOPER. ( LAUGHTER )
COMING INTO THE EVENING, JOE BIDEN HAD A BIG LEAD IN ALL THE
POLLS, AND TO CELEBRATE, HIS SUPPORTERS HANDED OUT FREE ICE
CREAM THEY CALLED JOE CONES. A JOE CONE IS ALSO WHAT BIDEN
WEARS TO MAKE SURE HE RESPECTS PERSONAL SPACE THESE DAYS. JUST FOR SAFETY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT’S A RESPONSE.>>Jon: OH, MY.>>Stephen: BUT TONIGHT THE
JOE CONE WAS MET BY THE KAMALA HARRIS FLAME THROWER. ( CHEERING )
OH, YOU WATCHED IT. YES. HE HAD THE JOE CONE, BUT SHE
MADE JOE SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM HOLY COW SHE MIGHT BE
PRESIDENT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) AS A FORMER PROSECUTOR, HARRIS
FOUND EVERYONE ELSE ON THAT STAGE GUILTY OF BEINGLESS
INTERESTING AND SENTENCED THEM OF TWO HOURS OF BEING HER PASTY
BACKGROUND SINGERS. IT ALL STARTED OUT INNOCENTLY
ENOUGH FOR THE VICE PRESIDENT WHEN HE GOT A QUESTION ABOUT
REASSURING WALL STREET THAT NOTHING WOULD CHANGE, AND HE
CRANKED THE FOLKSY KNOB UP TO 11.>>WHAT I MEANT BY THAT IS,
LOOK, DONALD TRUMP THINKS WALL STREET BUILT AMERICA. ORDINARY MIDDLE CLASS AMERICANS
BUILT AMERICA. MY DAD USED TO HAVE AN
EXPRESSION –>>Stephen: HE USED TO SAY,
SON, THE VIKINGS ARE COMING FOR ALL OF US AND WILL END THIS
VILLAGE. IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. TAKE YOUR MOTHER AND SISTER AND
GET TO THE CAVES! ( LAUGHTER )
KAMALA HARRIS STARTED BY BITING THE HEAD OFF THIS QUESTION —
>>DO YOU THINK DEMOCRATS HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO EXPLAIN HOW
THEY WILL PAY FOR EVERY PROPOSAL THEY WILL MAKE ALONG THOSE
LINES?>>LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, I
HEAR THAT QUESTION, BUT WHERE WAS THAT QUESTION WHEN THE
REPUBLICANS AND DONALD TRUMP PASSED A TAX BILL THAT BENEFITS
THE TOP 1% AND THE BIGGEST CORPORATIONS IN THIS COUNTRY?>>Stephen: AND WHERE ARE THE
QUESTIONS BE WHEN I BREAK OUT THE LOUISVILLE SLUGGER AND THE
OVAL OF PAIN BECAUSE AFTER I SNAP HIM LIKE A BREAD STICK
THERE WILL BE NO MORE QUESTIONS! NEXT QUESTION. ( APPLAUSE )
I BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING. TONIGHT KAMALA HARRIS WAS — ON
FIRE! ( LAUGHTER )
LOOK AT BERNIE’S FACE WHILE GIVING THAT ANSWER. HE’S LITERALLY LICKING HIS LIPS. “SHE JUST TOOK THE TOP TEN% OF
THE BEST 40% OF WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. IT’S NOT FAIR!”
( LAUGHTER ) BERNIE ALSO WENT OF THE
PRESIDENT.>>THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
UNDERSTAND THAT TRUMP IS A PHONY, THAT TRUMP IS A
PATHOLOGICAL LIAR AND A RACIST —
>>Stephen: OH, THEY UNDERSTAND IT, SIR. THAT’S THExD REASONÑi WHY SOME O
THEM VOTED FOR HIM. ( LAUGHTER )
AND HE BERNIEED ON.>>THAT’S HOW WE BEAT TRUMP, WE
EXPOSE HIM FOR THE FRAUD THAT HE IS.>>Stephen: NOT SURE IF WE
NEED TO DO THAT, SENATOR. TRUMP ALREADY HAS A LONG HISTORY
OF EXPOSING HIMSELF. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) SENATOR MICHAEL BENNETT SEEMED
SURPRISED WHEN A QUESTION WAS DIRECTED HIS WAY.>>SENATOR BENNETT —
( APPLAUSE ) — YOU HAVE SAID, IT IS POSSIBLE
TO WRITE POLICY PROPOSALS THAT HAVE NO BASIS IN REALITY, YOU
MIGHT AS WELL CALL THEM CANDY. WERE YOU REFERRING TO ANY
CANDIDATE OR PROPOSAL WHEN YOU SAID THAT?>>WAS THAT DIRECTED AT ME?>>Stephen: AM I SUPPOSED TO
TALK? AM I ON CAMERA? BECAUSE I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR
THE SALAD BAR. I’M SORRY. THIS SEEMS VERY NICE. ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEN HE ESPAÑOLED AGAIN. ( SPEAKING SPANISH )
>>Stephen: WOW! I KNEW BUTTIGIEG SPOKE NORWEGIAN
BUT HAD NO IDEA HE SPOKE BETO O’ROURKE! ( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE ) THAT’S FANTASTIC. MUCHAS GRACIAS.>>Jon: MUCHAS GRACIAS.>>Stephen: ANDREW YANG IS
RUNNING ON A PROPOSAL FOR UNIVERSAL INCOME BUT I’M NOT
SURE IF HE KNOWS THAT.>>MR. YANG, YOUR SIGNATURE
POLICY IS TO GIVE EVERY ADULT IN THE UNITED STATES $1,000 A
MONTH, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.>>THAT’S RIGHT. I THINK THAT’S LIKE
$3.2 TRILLION A YEAR. HOW WOULD YOU DO THAT?>>SORRY? ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: UH, UM… UH… WITH SCRATCHERS? WITH SCRATCHERS? ( LAUGHTER )
I’M SORRY — I WAS JUST TRYING TO REMEMBER WHERE I LEFT MY TIE. I HAD ONE WHEN I WALKED IN HERE. ( LAUGHTER )
THEN CONGRESSMAN ER ERIC SWALWEL SHOWED HOW TOUGH HE WAS BY
THROWING A PUNCH AT AN OLD MAN.>>I WAS SIX YEARS OLD WHEN A
CANDIDATE CAME TO THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION AND SAID IT’S TIME TO
PASS THE TORCH TO A NEW GENERATION OF AMERICANS. THAT CANDIDATE WAS THEN SENATOR
JOE BIDEN.>>Stephen: OH, SNAP! +&CI THINK
THAT TORCH BECAUSE THAT WAS A SICK BIRD! ( LAUGHTER )
BUT VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN HAD A COMEBACK.>>VICE PRESIDENT, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO SING A TORCH SONG?>>I WOULD. ( LAUGHTER )
I’M STILL HOLDING ON TO THAT TORCH.>>Stephen: YES, I’M STILL
HOLDING ON TO THAT TORCH WHICH IS WHY MY SLOGAN IS BIDEN 2020,
GIVE ME AN INVITATION, I WILL BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND! DO NOT MESS WITH ME! YOU WHIPPER SNAPPER! COME ON! I’LL GIVE YOU THE JACK JOHNSONS! YOU LITTLE SHAVER! ( LAUGHTER )
AT ONE POINT, EVERY CANDIDATE WAS TALKING OVER EVERY OTHER
CANDIDATE ABOUT SOMETHING I CAN’T REMEMBER OTHER THAN HOW
KAMALA HARRIS PUT AN END TO IT ( TALKING AT THE SAME TIME )
>>GUYS, AMERICA DOES NOT WANT TO WITNESS A FOOD FIGHT. THEY WANT TO KNOW HOW WE’RE
GOING TO PUT FOOD ON THEIR TABLE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: OH! OH! YEAH, YEAH. SHE HAD THAT LINE READY. YEAH, SHE HAD THAT IN SOME
TUPPERWARE. ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) FINALLY, SELF-HELP GURU MARIANNE
WILLIAMSON HAD HER OWN PRESCRIPTION FOR BEATING TRUMP.>>I’LL TELL YOU ONE THING, IT’S
REALLY NICE WE’VE GOT ALL THESE PLANS BUT IF YOU THINK WE’RE
GOING TO BEAT DONALD TRUMP BY JUST HAVING ALL THESE PLANS, YOU
HAVE ANOTHER THING COMING, BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WIN BY SAYING
HE HAD A PLAN, HE WON SIMPLY BAY SAYING MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. WE HAVE TO GET DEEPER THAN THESE
SUPERFICIAL FIXES.>>WE HAVE TO GO DEEPER THAN THE
SUPERFICIAL CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT POLITICAL POLICIES. ANYONE TRIED FIXING AMERICA WITH
CRYSTALS AND BEE POLLEN, YOGA? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Jon: WATCH OUT! WATCH YOURSELF THERE.>>Stephen: JOHN HICKENLOOPER
WAS ASKED A CLASSIC DEBATE QUESTION.>>JOHN HICKENLOOPER, DAY ONE,
IF YOU ARE — ( APPLAUSE )
— DAY ONE AT THE WHITE HOUSE, HOW DO YOU RESPOND WITH —
>>Stephen: WH-WH-WHAT THE WOULD I DO ON DAY ONE OF THE
WHITE HOUSE? WELL, I WOULD CONGRATULATE
WHOEVER WON THE ELECTION BECAUSE I SHOULD NOT BE UP HERE. ( PIANO RIFF )
JUST, UH — ( APPLAUSE )
ONCE AGAIN, SELF-HELP GURU MARIANNE WILLIAMSON HAD A MORE
HOLISTIC APPROACH TO IMMIGRATION.>>WHAT PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS DONE
IS NOT ONLY ATTACK THESE CHILDREN, NOT ONLY DEMONIZE
THESE IMMIGRANTS, HE IS ATTACKING A BASIC PRINCIPLE OF
AMERICA’S MORAL CORE. WE OPEN OUR HEARTS TO THE
STRANGER.>>Stephen: AT LEAST I HOPE SO
BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE HELL I AM. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) MAYOR PETE FOCUSED ON HIS FAITH.>>WE’VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT ONE
OTHER THING BECAUSE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY LIKES TO CLOAK
ITSELF IN THE LANGUAGE OF RELIGION.>>Stephen: I DON’T KNOW,
MAYOR, IT’S LESS OF A CLOAK NOWADAYS AND MORE OF A SHEET. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
>>Jon: MMM…>>Stephen: HALFWAY —
( LAUGHTER ) HALFWAY THROUGH, THERE WAS A
PERSONNEL SWITCH WITH RACHEL MADDOW PLAYING THE PART OF
LESTER HOLT AND CHUCK TODD PLAYING THE PART OF A GUY WHO
REALLY LIKES THE SOUND OF HIS OWN VOICE. WHEN DISCUSSION TURNS TO RACISM,
A LOT OF THE WHITE FOLKS ON STAGE HAD OPINIONS, BUT KAMALA
HARRIS HAD EXPERIENCE.>>WE’RE GOING TO GET TO YOU. HANG ON.>>– ON STAGE, I WOULD LIKE TO
SPEAK ON THE ISSUE OF RAINS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>SENATOR HARRIS — WHAT I WILL SAY IS —
— WE’LL GIVE YOU 30 SECONDS SINCE WE’RE GOING TO COME BACK
TO YOU ON THIS AGAIN IN A MOMENT. GO FOR 30 SECONDS.>>Stephen: SO FOR 30 SECONDS
TO SUM UP INSTITUTIONALIZED RACISM THAT’S BEEN PLAGUING OUR
COUNTRY SINCE ITS INCEPTION, GO!>>I DIRECT THIS TO
VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN. I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU ARE A
RACIST, AND I AGREE WITH YOU WHEN YOU COMMIT YOURSELF TO THE
IMPORTANCE OF FINDING COMMON GROUND, BUT I ALSO BELIEVE —
AND IT IS PERSONAL, AND I WAS ACTUALLY — IT WAS HURTFUL TO
HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT THE REPUTATIONS OF TWO UNITED STATES
SENATORS WHO BUILT THEIR REPUTATIONS AND CAREER ON THE
SEGREGATION OF RACE IN THIS COUNTRY, AND IT WAS NOT ONLY
THAT BUT YOU ALSO WORKED WITH THEM TO OPPOSE BUSING. THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL IN
CALIFORNIA WHO WAS PART OF THE SECOND CLASS TO INTEGRATE HER
PUBLIC SCHOOLS, AND SHE WAS BUSSED TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, AND
THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS ME.>>Stephen: I BELIEVE HARRIS
ON BUSING BECAUSE SHE CLEARLY JUST TOOK BIDEN TO SCHOOL. ( APPLAUSE )
HARRIS, A VERY EMOTIONAL MOMENT.>>Jon: YEAH.>>Stephen: ANDUJARRIES DID
NOT LET UP.>>BUT, VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN, DO
YOU AGREE TODAY — DO YOU AGREE TODAY THAT YOU WERE WRONG TO
OPPOSE BUSING IN AMERICA THEN?>>NO. DO YOU AGREE? I DID NOT OPPOSE BUSING IN
AMERICA. WHAT I OPPOSED WAS BUSING
ORDERED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION. THAT’S WHAT I OPPOSED.>>WELL, THERE’S A FAILURE OF
STATES TO INTEGRATE PUBLIC SCHOOLS IN AMERICA. I WAS PART OF THE SECOND CLASS
TO INTEGRATE BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA PUBLIC SCHOOLS ALMOST
TWO DECADES AFTER BROWN V BOARD OF EDUCATION.>>BECAUSE YOUR CITY COUNCIL
MADE THE DECISION. IT WAS A LOCAL DECISION.>>AND THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT
HAD TO STEP IN.S>>Stephen: I HOPE THEY TOOK
DENTAL PHOTOGRAPHS OF BIDEN BEFORE THE DEBATE BECAUSE THEY
WILL NEED A REFERENCE TO PUT HIS TEETH BACK IN. ( APPLAUSE )
THEN HARRIS TURNED HER FIRE FROM BIDEN TO TRUMP.>>THE FACT THAT WE HAVE A
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WHO HAS EMBRACED SCIENCE FICTION
OVER SCIENCE FACT WILL BE TO OUR COLLECTIVE PERIL.>>Stephen: WELL, OF COURSE,
TRUMP EMBRACES SCIENCE FICTION — I’M PRETTY SURE HIS
HAIR WAS SHAVED OFF OF WOOKIEE’S ASS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ANDUJARRIES SPOKE OF HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH
WILDFIRES IN CALIFORNIA.>>I SPOKE WITH FIREFIGHTERS WHO
WERE IN THE MIDST OF FIGHT AGO FIRE WHILE THEIR OWN HOMES WERE
BURNING.>>Stephen: AND THEY SAID TO
ME, NOW IS NOT A GREAT TIME, SENATOR, COULD WE TALK A LITTLE
LATER? ( APPLAUSE )
THEN, CHUCK TODD TRIED DESPERATELY TO TAKE CONTROL OF
THE DEBATE.>>BEFORE WE GO, I’M GOING TO GO
DOWN THE LINE HERE AND I’M ASKING YOU PLEASE FOR ONE OR TWO
WORDS ONLY, ALL RIGHT? PLEASE.>>Stephen: UH — BITE ME,
CHUCK? OH, SORRY. THAT’S THREE. APOLOGIZE. THEN THEY HAD ANOTHER TECHNICAL
DIFFICULTY.>>WE’RE GOING TO CONTINUE THE
QUESTIONING NOW WITH LESTER IN THE AUDIENCE. WE ARE? WE ARE, IN A SECOND, GOING TO
HAVE A QUESTION FROM LESTER IN THE AUDIENCE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: MY APOLOGIES. CHUCK TODD TRIED ONCE AGAIN TO
DO ONE OF HIS NEVER SUCCESSFUL JUST ONE-WORD ANSWER QUESTIONS,
BUT HE GOT PRETTY UPSET WHEN PEOPLE TRIED TO ACTUALLY GIVE A
SUBSTANTIAL ANSWER.>>IT’S A PERFECT TIME FOR ME TO
DO ANOTHER ONE OF THESE DOWN THE LINE. WHAT IS THE FIRST RELATIONSHIP
YOU LIKE TO RESET AS PRESIDENT? I’M GOING TO GO DOWN THE LINE —
I’M TRYING TO GET ONE OR TWO WORDS HERE.>>Stephen: AND PLEASE DON’T
TALK TOO MUCH, OKAY? YOU’RE NOT CHUCK TODD, I AM! ZIP IT! ZIP IT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND WHEN IT CAME TO CLOSING STATEMENTS, MARIANNE WILLIAMSON
HAD THE PLAN TO HEAL THE COUNTRY.>>I’M GOING TO HARNESS LOVE FOR
POLITICAL PURPOSES.>>Stephen: AND ANYONE CURIOUS
WHAT SHE MEANS BY HARNESSING LOVE, DO NOT GOOGLE LOVE
HARNESS, IT’S SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT. PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) AND KAMALA HARRIS SUMMED IT ALL
UP WITH HER CLOSING STATEMENT –>>THANK YOU ALL. I JUST WANT TO LEAVE YOU WITH A
COUPLE OF THINGS.>>Stephen: JOE BIDEN’S BALLS.

Otis Rodgers

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100 COMMENTS

  1. JB Kim Posted on July 9, 2019 at 7:11 pm

    There was an Asain man on stage too so I am sure he has gone through racism too, but I guess now us Asains are with white people.

    Reply
  2. Janine McArrow Posted on July 9, 2019 at 7:57 pm

    American talk show hosts/ stand up comics are all alike and their shows are too scripted. It's become annoying to me. So I go and watch Graham Norton or any other British or European talk show for some refreshing entertainment.

    Reply
  3. Rex Hardesty Posted on July 9, 2019 at 8:18 pm

    Zero chance Dems regain White House. Bunch of Crybabies.

    Reply
  4. sephalon1 Posted on July 9, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    Tonight's monologue is brought to you by "Colbert for Kamala Harris 2020".

    Reply
  5. Interdimensional Humanoid Posted on July 9, 2019 at 8:51 pm

    Cutting taxes for the wealthy costs $0 to do.
    Paying for healthcare for literally anyone who is just here in the country costs trillions.
    We should just pay for the whole world to have free healthcare! That's where this shit is headed.

    Reply
  6. sadiemakesmesmile Posted on July 9, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    Marianne Williamson has very intelligent and solid policies on her website, she supports reparations for slavery. Stephen needs to have her on his show.

    Reply
  7. Karlos Haz Posted on July 10, 2019 at 12:16 am

    where are the monologues from week 7/9/2019?

    Reply
  8. Fred Connelly Posted on July 10, 2019 at 3:46 am

    Stephen Colbert get off the Air you like kiss Trump ass.

    Reply
  9. max sa Posted on July 10, 2019 at 5:55 am

    i am in africa and i know any 1 of these people can be a better president than the white trash in the white house now, Trump is an uneducated idiot with a loud mouth. so we call that white trash here, how stupid are people to vote for him? are americans stupid ? we are starting to believe that. america is the new joke of the world. great job. we needed new comedy.

    Reply
  10. Marcio Moura Posted on July 10, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    If you even consider Kamala, you're thinking worse than Trumpsters. I say Bernie 2020.

    Reply
  11. Marcio Moura Posted on July 10, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    Kamala is such an actress… but just pay attention, she can't even lie properly, she's as fake as they come; that woman is dangerous. Bernie 2020!

    Reply
  12. john smith Posted on July 10, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    Unfortunately, it's just kabuki theater.

    If they really wanted to do serious debates, they'd have someone controlling each candidate's mic, so that ONLY the person being asked the question can speak, and then no one else can try to speak over him/her.
    A light would go on the each candidate's podium when there is only 10 seconds left for them to speak in their allotted time, and then the mic is cut off (if you want a strict time format).

    Each candidate should be given equal time. Wang got less than 3 minutes, Biden got 13 minutes. That's how tRump got elected, he always made sure he got the most time, and was center stage. That, and by doing or saying outrageous shit, they give you more time.

    The debates should not be time limited (because of the previous point). If the network(s) don't want to do that, then put it on youtube/online.
    Kind of like when Colbert has an extended interview online (because some of it was cut to fit into their allotted time). You wouldn't need to cut their mics if they went over a bit by using this type of time format (see 1st paragraph).

    Then get rid of the studio audience, as it isn't a dammed game show. Political debates should make you think, not cheer. This also makes it harder for candidates to grandstand or make a point like Harris did, but it helps cut down the time (from applause) and also feedback to the candidates.

    Reply
  13. Allen Buck Posted on July 10, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    You suck Colbert!

    Reply
  14. bob peters Posted on July 10, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    I understand the Colbert visited Epstein's pedo island 16 times. I thought he might be a pedophile.

    Reply
  15. Hi Hi Posted on July 10, 2019 at 9:01 pm

    This isn’t about Colbert being partial to Kamala, I think it’s just that she really shone all throughout the debate. She’s very well spoken and it’s fun to listen to her. She’s without a doubt the best in debating out of them all.

    Reply
  16. Charlotte Iradjpanah Posted on July 10, 2019 at 9:23 pm

    Candidates and voters should be required to read both "Fahrenheit 451" and "Animal Farm" … No campaigning without Common Sense!

    Reply
  17. I just want comfortable shoes! Posted on July 10, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    Andrew Yang 2020! Show me the money!!!

    Reply
  18. gridsleep Posted on July 11, 2019 at 3:58 am

    From now on, any and all politicans, Democrat or Replubican, who are owned by corporations, should be treated as traitors to the people of the United States.

    Reply
  19. gridsleep Posted on July 11, 2019 at 3:59 am

    Kamala Harris is owned by the Catholic church. She refuses to allow Church sex abuse victims access to evidence about Church suspects. See the Intercept.

    Reply
  20. Eugene Buchwald Posted on July 11, 2019 at 4:10 am

    Come back soon Mr Colbert. Many fun story to joke.

    Reply
  21. Nel Forks Posted on July 11, 2019 at 1:42 pm

    You know, I don't think Biden is counting on winning. I think he's there to study the candidates for endorsement. He will pass the proverbial torch to the winner and probably retire.

    Reply
  22. Bradley Lambie Posted on July 11, 2019 at 5:23 pm

    It seems like Colbert isnt a fan of Biden.

    Reply
  23. Chad Powell Posted on July 11, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    No Colbert…I didn't vote for Trump because of all the things Bernie Claims he is…Frankly, that's very insulting to my intelligence, character and everyone else's who voted for him. YOU, Colbert, along with all the other self righteous ideologues who have fallen off their rockers are the ultimate dividers of this country. Your party is doing what it thinks is best for the Democratic Party…Trump is doing what is best for our country as a WHOLE.

    Reply
  24. Skynyrd Jesus Posted on July 11, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    I'm not gonna lie, I don't really like Kamala Harris. I can't even put my finger on it, she just doesn't resonate with me. Although, I can't deny I have a heavy distrust and bias against prosecutors and that very well could be the root of it

    Reply
  25. Bernhardina Hörnstein Posted on July 11, 2019 at 8:48 pm

    Is this a commercial for Harris? I like Yang and Sanders…

    Reply
  26. Carl Spackler Posted on July 11, 2019 at 11:11 pm

    Colbert belongs on this Clown show.

    Reply
  27. TheDarkNebula199 Posted on July 12, 2019 at 12:16 am

    His impression of Sanders sounded like Larry David

    then realized how Sanders sounds a bit like Larry David as well lol

    Reply
  28. Art Mercines Posted on July 12, 2019 at 3:12 am

    Democrats are stupid! Among them No one is worthy of the American vote.

    Reply
  29. Michael Fontaine Posted on July 12, 2019 at 3:41 am

    I'm getting so tired of him talking about trump change the subject you foul.

    Reply
  30. Meyer Willkom Posted on July 12, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    Biden did a great job and so did Yang!!!

    Reply
  31. Donna Supe Posted on July 12, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    Now you change your jokes after you seen these CLOWNS

    Reply
  32. edward lavine Posted on July 12, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    Colbert has that weird pedophile smirk on his face

    Reply
  33. Kiki N Posted on July 12, 2019 at 8:57 pm

    The moustache and beard look like Gorka’s.

    Reply
  34. tyrone137 Posted on July 13, 2019 at 3:42 am

    You suck. Bring back Letterman.

    Reply
  35. Threadbare Rag Posted on July 13, 2019 at 5:05 am

    I searched for love harness and it quickly switched from harnessed women to dogs. Bow wow.

    Reply
  36. John Anderson Posted on July 13, 2019 at 5:16 am

    I watched a monologue yesterday that established Colbert as a 'mmmMmm-baconist', and today I am no longer a fan. I've unsubscribed.

    If Colbert wants to be on the wrong side of history then that's his business.. but I'll have nothing to do with it.

    Remember how poorly Leno's jokes about Monica Lewinsky aged? What an idiot. I don't watch, support or endorse The Kardashians either for the same reason… anyway, welcome to that club Colbert.

    Reply
  37. TheChristianRight09 Posted on July 14, 2019 at 2:48 am

    Its like the Republicans got pick the weakest Democrats possible to go up against Trump!

    Reply
  38. Piriathy Posted on July 14, 2019 at 5:19 am

    Biden doesn't understand (either that or he acts like he doesn't) why opposing the federal government stepping can still be seen as racist, definitely enabling racism; When he says he's against the federal government stepping in a forcing states to do something specific what he's saying is it's okay for states to choose to continue racist policy, to continue to have segregated schools. He acknowledges segregation is bad and born of racist intention but then he acts as though the federal government stepping in to fix the problem is somehow worse, it's baffling. The whole libertarian way of thinking is baffling.

    Reply
  39. Obus Posted on July 14, 2019 at 6:37 am

    Where the fuck are some recent episodes?

    Reply
  40. ScraftyPants Posted on July 14, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    Notice how when Harris is talking to Biden, she is looking right at him and he cannot stomach the courage to look at her.

    Reply
  41. Janice L Posted on July 15, 2019 at 1:56 am

    Oh, I hear Colbert's was a visitor to Epstiens Pedophiles Island..He must be Nervous..

    Reply
  42. Joseph 1963 Posted on July 15, 2019 at 2:20 am

    As always FU Colbert

    Reply
  43. Joseph 1963 Posted on July 15, 2019 at 2:22 am

    Suck it Colbert 🤨 is

    Reply
  44. ericc7111 Posted on July 15, 2019 at 2:57 am

    so, biden is now a racist, russia interfered during barry's watch and children in cages pictures are from 2014….but everything is trumps fault. hmmmm.

    Reply
  45. everybodylovesdevin Posted on July 15, 2019 at 10:46 am

    Remember when Colbert was funny? I think it was called, "The Colbert Report".

    Reply
  46. Ulyssess Posted on July 15, 2019 at 8:13 pm

    Harris was the one who supported and fostered incarceration policies of their own kind.

    Reply
  47. catalinacurio Posted on July 15, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    When are you back Stephen, I can't take it any more, got the shivers and trump's head running up my bedroom wall! Come back to us! 😵😵😵💙

    Reply
  48. X’S TIMES Posted on July 16, 2019 at 4:42 am

    A JOE CONE… STEPHEN HAS NO CHILL… 💯

    Reply
  49. Felichia Ritter Posted on July 16, 2019 at 11:50 am

    Bernie Sanders #2020
    GREAT MONOLOGUE 💖💖💖

    Reply
  50. Whaleshrimp Posted on July 16, 2019 at 11:55 am

    If these are really the DEMs that are going to try to unseat Trump, he must be a very happy guy! He put Mike P in as VP to insure he would never be impeached and now he gets to run against these people. Steven Colbert's donations to re elect Trump are his employment insurance.

    Reply
  51. AmethystWoman Posted on July 16, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    As a Catholic, why do you make fun of the only real spiritual person on the stage.

    Reply
  52. Subash Adhikari Posted on July 16, 2019 at 2:02 pm

    4:52 should have said Mexico will pay for it.

    Reply
  53. Marieda Parellio Posted on July 16, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    Jeez Stephen did Kamala write you a check?

    Reply
  54. Sajjad Mehal Posted on July 16, 2019 at 8:45 pm

    Jon Batiste's interjections are annoying

    Reply
  55. Kia E Posted on July 17, 2019 at 1:58 am

    Where was Tulsi Gabbard!!!! I heard nothing of value from any of these mannequins.

    Reply
  56. godonlyknows13 Posted on July 17, 2019 at 10:01 am

    A great breakdown of Kamala harris: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoyWz3wyME4

    Reply
  57. Andesmountain Posted on July 18, 2019 at 6:11 am

    "She just took the top 10% of the best 40% of what I was going to say. That's not fair!" had me dying! (2:50)

    Reply
  58. Phillip Mbise Posted on July 18, 2019 at 7:00 am

    A Democratic ticket without Kamala Harris is destined to lose… Personally, I see her, Orouke, and Castro as the best and only chance the Democratic party has of beating Trump. But she has to be on the ticket! And to be honest I think she has amazing appeal; she is relatable (unlike Hillary) young enough to be in touch with the values of young voters and old enough to have the wisdom, experience, and track record to appease the base. And honestly she is exciting! She has energy, and I can't see Trump being able to easily back her into a corner and shame her the way he did Hillary! If anything, I could see Trump being unable hold his own against her! She is a female Obama; and ticket without her on it (pref running for president) will be unable to dethrone our collective shame

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  59. Kevin Durham Posted on July 18, 2019 at 11:15 am

    Love The Late Show, always gives me ideas for my channel (for comedy and with celebrities)

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  60. ZLDL Posted on July 18, 2019 at 1:03 pm

    Such a shame that Kamala Harris is a cop

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  61. Arthur Trauer Posted on July 18, 2019 at 3:57 pm

    Oooh, demolish dem Dem’s Colbert. I can see candidates dropping like flies from the roster. Half of them seem to be daydreaming or something. Lots of internal dialog going on there rather than being present in the moment. Definitely pressure under fire. Whoa!

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  62. cathy judge Posted on July 18, 2019 at 10:00 pm

    I love you mr colbert !!! I get all my news from you ….and laughter

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  63. Rob Lomax Posted on July 18, 2019 at 11:39 pm

    Who gives a shit?Trumps gonna win it by a landslide…so get your puppies,crayons and lock yourself in your safe room….hahahahahaha

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  64. Pavan Segal Posted on July 19, 2019 at 2:32 am

    Joe Biden’s Balls ⚽️ 🏀 Stephen, you were spot on tonight 😂😂👍

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  65. n j Posted on July 20, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    Colbert for Harris
    Harris stealing Bernie's ideas for political gains looks like she will be having a giant corporate backing.
    God Bless Honesty

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  66. Jace Cavacini Posted on July 22, 2019 at 11:20 pm

    I don’t like “self-help gurus” or woo bullshit, but nothing Maryanne Williamson said was actually wrong.

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  67. Xardion Posted on July 23, 2019 at 6:44 am

    Vote for Kamala Harris, vote Kamala Harris. Marianne Williamson is a quack guru. That's how you know who these shills want you and don't want you to vote for. It's obvious and look at Joe Biden and Kamala Harris act like it's the WWF.

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  68. ipressedabutton Posted on July 23, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    the black co-host, chiming in, doesnt make the joke funnier, it makes it stupider

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  69. Stadia Song Posted on July 24, 2019 at 6:52 am

    What do you mean people voted for Trump based on the idea that he's racist? Super disappointed I used to watch this crap and I didn't even vote for Trump, you can bet your ass I'd say if I did too because as of right now I'm going to in 2020. I consider myself center left but honestly these hacks are all someone else's lapdog, and the louder the leftists tell me I'm something awful for not thinking Trump is completely awful the more I see it as them coveting ownership of government over actually caring about our country. Trump will call out anyone who doesn't work with him, he's OBVIOUSLY a republican in name only. He's obviously not a politician, and he's obviously not racist for calling out the bullshit the democrats are pushing with open borders or pretending ICE doesn't have enough on their plate through the governments inaction. I don't have a problem with anyone's skin color if they have citizen documentation, when did it become racist to have a handle on who enters your country and who doesn't? Whoever you vote for in 2020, we still go back to work with one and other that day or the day after, I hope we all have some civility left in us to treat each other like fellow countrymen who are freely expressing their constitutional right to collectively elect officials. I'm optimistic but I'm no fool, civility is obviously dried up on both political ends of the media, but if you take any of that crap too seriously you're very much underestimating the power of the computer in front of you.

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  70. Hans Bjorkman Posted on July 24, 2019 at 7:33 am

    MSM are huge corporations, some own by the war industry. You think a debate would be allowed on their networks to go against their interests?

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  71. Jesse Gonzalez Posted on July 25, 2019 at 2:11 am

    Colbert is a tool. This is propaganda. Really? Celebrating Commie Harris dodging a question? First off nobody needs to pay for a tax cut. What a moronic idea. A tax cut literally means you are being CHARGED LESS. It's literally self explanatory. You do however, have to pay for services. Of course that moronic audience applauds. Not only are they required too, but, well, they are morons.

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  72. Eugene Coleman Posted on July 25, 2019 at 6:42 am

    I have to give Andrew Yang credit. The clip was funny but he then he went on to directly and intelligently answer the question by explaining his policy.
    Also he realizes that instituting a basic income now will make it easier in the future with the massive job loss robotics will cause. People who know that this is coming and understand the way tech is trending know there will need to be a solution when huge amounts of the population won't have jobs because there just won't be enough or a need for them.

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  73. chilo31416 Posted on July 25, 2019 at 10:43 am

    Colbert, Please go back to bashing Trump. That is all you are good for nowadays

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  74. Michael S Posted on July 26, 2019 at 4:34 pm

    Huh? No one knows who Marianne Williamson is? Is that true, Stephen? She has a larger social media following than anyone else! Don't count her out just yet!

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  75. droug ridmen Posted on July 26, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    This show is all left wing lib's stuff,  I'm getting tired of the same biased stuff. Please can the writers change monologue.

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  76. rtbrain rules Posted on July 26, 2019 at 10:01 pm

    Harris is a mean and hateful bitch but ironically Stephen Colbert loves the taste of her cock because all he seems to do is suck it through his monologue.

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  77. TheBruuz Posted on July 27, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    I've listened to Marianne in other interviews, and imo, she could be a strong and ideal candidate for democrats to run with. She's just new and inexperienced in this arena of cunning debate, but she has the intelligence and wisdom to do well for the entire country, not just one side.
    If you could perceive her beyond the memes that are created around her persona, you would see she has an admirable moral center.
    She really isn't about healing crystals and yoga, but you'd need to want to look beyond what certain media paints her to be, as you would expect them to do in these propaganda battles.
    She may well be the kind of person that could start healing the divide you have in the US now between right and left.
    Of course, if you're happy with that divide and you feel the other side has no right to utter a word, then sure, get behind people like Kamala, who will never cross the aisle and continue to cripple your country in two halves, one of which can pummel the other every time it gets into office. You will have a country that keeps limping on one foot, instead of running, and slowly but surely your competition will overtake you.
    The biggest blow your competitors (be it Russia, China, or whomever) could hope for is for the US to eat itself. Wake yourselves us to this fact. Keep fighting amongst yourselves and you will all lose.

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  78. ShaunieBNaturalista Posted on July 31, 2019 at 1:22 am

    This is a repeat of his monologue after the FIRST debate.

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  79. JR Posted on July 31, 2019 at 1:53 am

    reparations? really? por la puta madre democrats. you really want to lose the elections dont you? the idea that you are oppressed and we own you is stupid and only to grab black votes.

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  80. kundan kumar Posted on July 31, 2019 at 4:40 am

    OH MY GOD!!! And people watch this drivel called 'Colbert'? How is he funny? Or objective? Or even intelligible?
    Guess who Colbert's supports? It's not hard for even a kid to see who he is pushing. And you people watch this drivel? With more likes than dislikes? I am fed up with YouTube promoting this corporate shill channel.

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  81. 12 34 Posted on July 31, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    Stephen Colbert's ……………main Clown

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  82. EdogGuitar Posted on August 2, 2019 at 11:59 am

    Kamala Harris sounded more like she was in a session with her therapist.

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  83. Joseph D. Martínez Posted on August 2, 2019 at 12:25 pm

    I think Colbert is voting for Harris…. Lols

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  84. james fiaco Posted on August 2, 2019 at 2:02 pm

    America doesn't want a food fight they want to know how they're putting food on the table.  Interesting considering the majority of medical problems come from people putting food on the table that has very little nutritional value if any at all.  How about putting food on the table that has nutritional value that is classified as a high source of nutrition organic GMO free would be best. Or maybe we should just keep people overfed undernourished overworked and underpaid with dirty low-paying jobs. Fast food cigarettes and booze. Results in a 20-year-old having the fitness level of a 90-year-old.

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  85. james fiaco Posted on August 2, 2019 at 2:19 pm

    today's American young boys and girls are going to school and never coming home because of gun violence. There is a infant baby born every hour on the hour of every day all year long in this country of America beginning life addicted to drugs or alcohol how well do you think a child function in school when they are born addicted to drugs or alcohol? How well do you think students function when they are overfed undernourished with foods and drinks that are provided by the school that have very little nutritional value if any at all. how About the 200,000 children American citizens that become kidnapped abducted each and every year from this country of America. how About 17 million children American citizens that go hungry each and every day all year long in this country of America. And if we are going to keep bringing up segregation slavery.   keep it real first slave that was ever sold to a white person was sold by a black person in Africa.

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  86. Austin Posted on August 2, 2019 at 10:50 pm

    Give Yang some credit. Kamala is lame. #Yang2020

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  87. chucky Posted on August 5, 2019 at 5:47 am

    so we can all assume that you don't like Bernie. mr colbert???? you seem to like to shit on him more than others…

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  88. John Fleenor Posted on August 6, 2019 at 12:45 am

    The "wookie's ass" joke… Stephen didn't write that one, and he didn't believe in it, but it killed anyway.

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  89. luxon4 Posted on August 6, 2019 at 4:52 am

    im surprised he could do the monologue with his face so far up harris's ass. and lmao at him highlighting her race-baiting, she literally opposes busing too,

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  90. Renato Corvaro Posted on August 7, 2019 at 4:59 pm

    … America has an adult population of 3.2 billion people? No wonder Yang was confused

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  91. Aladdin - Hz.media Posted on August 8, 2019 at 11:47 pm

    Steven #shillbert

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  92. Gerad Coder Posted on August 10, 2019 at 9:03 am

    How does this guy still have 6.5 million subscribers?

    Reply
  93. ForeverMe543 Posted on August 11, 2019 at 4:06 am

    Kamala would be a horrible President. She’s full of shit and everything she says she back tracks on. Don’t trust the b.

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  94. Martian74 Posted on August 11, 2019 at 7:00 am

    Coming here after the second debate and Kamala Harris got torched by Tulsi. Harris should drop out after the destruction she received, she has no hope.

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  95. RSPainter Posted on August 14, 2019 at 2:17 am

    I follow politics, but who the hell are some of these people. I think it would have behooved Mayor Pete to wait til 2024… that is if this country still exists.

    Reply
  96. Jamie Eisenhower Posted on August 15, 2019 at 2:12 am

    how much money do you get paid by the Democrats what happened to the night talk shows they used to be funny and fun now it's all politician and hatred why are you so stupid and brain-dead and bought by the left remember Democrats are slave drivers and they want to take your rights away and buy you like a slave

    Reply
  97. Feni007 Posted on August 16, 2019 at 6:49 am

    I had to quit this, didn't realize it was a 14minute Kamala PSA.

    Reply
  98. SomethingLame Posted on August 17, 2019 at 10:45 am

    When did Colbert start drooling over liars like Harris?

    Reply
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