December 8, 2019
  • 1:19 am Praveen Sharma | Hindu wedding traditions rituals worship (puja) in temple Indian marriage
  • 1:19 am 10 Bizarre Animal Mating Rituals
  • 1:19 am Affirmations to Release Negative Energy and Anger | Ethereal Meditations
  • 1:19 am OSHO: Making Love – A Sacred Experience
  • 1:19 am God Will Provide | Dr. Ed Young
The Dilemma Of Loneliness

In the age of individualism (in Western countries
at least) there is an increasing concern in regards to social isolation. We see this happening with the elderly, that
are put away in retirement homes, deprived of interaction with children and grandchildren
that are too busy with life. But we also see social isolation happening
among people from other age groups. Their situation is often self-imposed and
prefered over a vibrant social-life. While social interaction is healthy, it comes
with a price. And if we are not willing to pay that price,
we end up distancing ourselves from other people. We become loners, which, unfortunately, often
results in loneliness. So, it seems that the options we have are either
the misery of social isolation or the misery of being connected with people. Now, let’s talk about this. There’s quite a body of research that shows
the detrimental effects of loneliness on our mental and physical health. But despite these negative effects, many people
choose to rather not spend too much time with others. When I read the comment section below my videos
about solitude it strikes me how many people describe themselves as loners, and are, so
they say, perfectly happy this way. However, I do see signs of loneliness and
the feeling of ‘not belonging’ as well. The weird thing about loneliness is that people
aren’t hard to find, knowing that there are over 7 billion of them on this planet. So, for some reason, we choose to be alone
and we don’t let other people in our lives easily. Could this be because we aren’t willing to
the pay the price that comes with socializing? After spending a few months in Asia in the
midst of a collectivistic culture, I see that an important factor of our individualistic
society is that we don’t need each other in a way that the collectivists do. I experienced first hand that this has pros
and cons. Obviously, the big pro is that there are always
people to hang out with, because of close family ties, large and accessible social groups,
solidarity among neighbours or the many people you’ll find on the streets. In the guest house I stayed, for example,
I would be greeted by at least four people before I made it to the exit. And most of these people were open for a chat,
or asking me how I was doing. After living in an individualistic country,
this really was a relief for me. Most of the time it isn’t necessary to make
an appointment like we do in the Netherlands, where we compare schedules, set a date and
time, and hangout on that exact moment, knowing that we should go through that cycle again
and again to have our social needs met. But, one of the cons is that people wouldn’t
leave me alone. Once I started to know more people, and showed
them my willingness to socialize, the floodgates opened, and somehow it was expected of me
to hangout with them regularly, and, basically, spend my free time in social settings. There’s a lot of social control among collectivists;
and everyone knows what everyone’s doing. This does give one a sense of safety and belonging,
sure, but it can be very suffocating as well. In some instances I literally ghosted, either
by not leaving my room or spending a few days in another place, just so I could spend some
time in solitude and recharge my battery. At that point, I realized that my situation
in a Western individualistic country isn’t so bad; yes it takes some effort to socialize,
but at least privacy and solitude aren’t difficult to find. On the other hand, now I’m back in the quietness
of my apartment, in the country where people barely know their neighbours, and prioritize
individual goals like careers, money and material possessions over each other, I know that there
is a chance that loneliness starts to creep up on me. Yes, there is a difference between loneliness
and aloneness, and solitude can be absolutely enjoyable. But we aren’t islands; we require at least
some human connection to function properly in the long run. Now, there are plenty of possibilities to
acquire this human connection. To name a few: finding a group of friends,
joining a club or community that revolves around a certain activity, like a sports club. The things is that the more we get entangled
in these groups, the larger becomes the price we pay. We trade companionship in exchange for time,
oftentimes for money, and to be and stay part of a group we are expected to continue these
transactions. In many cases, we are expected to conform
to the group’s narrative, adopt certain ethics, certain values, which might not be entirely
compatible with our own. Especially when we conform to certain ideologies
or religious doctrines, we might commit what philosopher Albert Camus called: philosophical
suicide. Thus, we give up our ability to think independently
and to question everything, for the sole purpose of belonging. And, before we know it, we sacrifice more
of ourselves than we want to; something I experienced in Asia. The dilemma of loneliness is that our individualistic
needs aren’t met in collectivism, but in social isolation we are deprived of human connection. Personally, I don’t want to sacrifice myself
and my values to belong to a certain group, but I don’t want to be socially isolated either. So, there must be a middle way. Is the internet an option perhaps? How about the connection we find with people
online? This too, has its pros and cons. The internet gives us the opportunity to connect with people around the globe, based on specific interests. This means that we can skip the superficiality
of small talk, and make our interactions exclusively about the things we want to. The flipside is that online interaction is
still hidden behind the simulacrum of pixels and megabytes. Of course we see deeper friendships develop
online, but this often goes hand in hand with a desire for real life meetings, which brings
us back to the old-school face-to-face communication, that is, in essence, more pure and complete,
with its non-verbal communication and the minimal involvement of technology. There’s nothing like looking someone in the
eye, touching, body language. At the end of the day, this is what most people
want when they truly want to connect with someone. That is why, I believe, many people that exclusively
socialize online, on social media, in Discord-groups, forums, et cetera, are still, in a way, deprived
of true human connection. It’s the difference between watching, for
example, the city of Paris on Google Streetview and really being there, walking around, feeling
it, touching it, breathing it. There is nothing like the real thing. However, I would not exclude the possibility
that, someday, we can simulate reality to such an extent that we barely notice the difference. So, how can we solve this dilemma of loneliness? I think that it starts with the acceptance
that social interaction always requires some form of sacrifice. I think, for our sanity, it might be a good
idea to make this sacrifice to a certain degree, with clear boundaries, and with like-minded
people that respect these boundaries. There is much joy in solitude without the
misery of loneliness, and there is also much joy in social connection without losing ourselves
in it. If we can find a healthy balance, we can get
the best of both worlds. Thank you for watching.

Otis Rodgers



  1. Diego Ruiz Valenciano Posted on November 27, 2019 at 11:55 am

    Thank you, I liked a lot this video. It bring me clarity about this subject.

  2. Marcelino Dubois Posted on November 27, 2019 at 12:48 pm

    hahahah ben je een nederlander nice accent bro horde het gelijk im a loner because im a sane man in a insane world

  3. Mizza G Posted on November 27, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    Most of the time loneliness is painless, bur every few days or so there's this wave of pain, sadness and emptiness. That's how it is for me anyway.

  4. Terrorists Win Posted on November 27, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    Thank you so much for touching on this topic. It isn't discussed sufficiently.

  5. Juan Cardona Posted on November 27, 2019 at 6:27 pm

    I learn how to be alone without feeling bad or the need of others in the end alone we were born and alone we will be gone

  6. Reason-Uncensored Posted on November 27, 2019 at 7:17 pm

    What if most people are fake in society. What about tribalism

  7. D W Posted on November 27, 2019 at 8:33 pm

    I have dogs… because people suck.

  8. thehalokidster Posted on November 27, 2019 at 10:08 pm

    In the first line you mention we're in the age on individualism (at least in the west). I'm not so sure about that if I'm honest, speaking socially and certainly politically. If you lean left they'll crucify you for veering away from their collective mindset! If you lean to the right you'll find more independent thought but you can be expected to be labelled every name under the sun as a result.

  9. B Rabbit Posted on November 27, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    Trust me, you dont want to breath Paris..

  10. NukuNuku Posted on November 27, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    Ive been lonely for years, got married, lost her after 2 years, back at square one. Weird how sometimes i feel like i need someone but then i dont really need them, i just want them at a specific moment. Being content with yourself is being able to be alone for hours on end with just you and your thoughts.

  11. Krimverse Posted on November 28, 2019 at 12:22 am

    Trying to connect with me is like trying to plug into a USB with a soggy pool noodle.

  12. Yuriko Zaragoza Posted on November 28, 2019 at 1:07 am

    I'm 20. And i have this issue of isolationism. But in fact. Same as what you've said. Solitude is more enjoyable than socializing with others .

  13. C Mickie Posted on November 28, 2019 at 2:36 am

    Yes, I’m a loner. I’m often lonely, and yet I choose to be alone because people are draining. I don’t seem to have the same emotional needs as many women, and men come with obligations also. Alone is to me, the best option.

  14. Len Plummer Posted on November 28, 2019 at 7:11 am

    I think most people are selfish. Behave in a simplistic cliche manner.

  15. Dexter Labs Posted on November 28, 2019 at 7:23 am

    These jobs play a huge part in isolation and loneliness.

  16. GreaterGood510 Posted on November 28, 2019 at 8:39 am

    You must be at peace and secure with yourself to truly be independent and whole as others will constantly be in and out of your life.

  17. Boon Doggle Posted on November 28, 2019 at 9:07 am

    I think that a big part of the reason why I can only spend so much time socializing before I need to be alone to recharge my batteries is because I don’t share the basic,common feelings and beliefs, and there’s no one available to me based on my alleged group and social status that I can be myself with, making it taxing for me to be around people. Still, it has negative psychological consequences if I spend absolutely no time around people, and even I can enjoy light company when I’m in the right mood. The problem is when people start imposing their beliefs, values and expectations on me, which they inevitably do because people feel this need to impose what they perceive to be a consensus, and to enforce the “group”. I need to be free to be myself even if my feelings and beliefs are uncommon and even other people don’t understand it, and most people aren’t wired to accept that, which is why I must limit the time spent with groups of people.

  18. Zach Plowe Posted on November 28, 2019 at 9:09 am

    I'm liking this Minecraft music

  19. Justine Hailey Posted on November 28, 2019 at 9:43 am

    thank you. this has perfectly encapsulated what I have felt throughout the years, from being born into the philippines, and moving into new zealand. I feel more compelled to balance things now instead of resisting one or the other. your videos have helped me develop so much in many ways I could not have thought of before.

  20. Krot odin Posted on November 28, 2019 at 11:47 am

    To me, You sound like a real person 🙂

  21. jcsrst Posted on November 28, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    I hate social media and don't participate. Real connection is face to face.

  22. Dr Scalpers Posted on November 28, 2019 at 1:36 pm

    I'm oddly distasteful of humans for how much I love people. If that makes any sense, I have no idea but that's how I feel.

  23. Neurotic Arts Posted on November 28, 2019 at 2:44 pm

    Everyone lives in kinda like their own personal bubble fantasy of who they are in the world and what the world should be to them and other people are means to self-gratification.
    The only way to truly live a full life in this society is by getting more fucking money than the other guy… So no one can be your friend when you are trying to out-do them all and when you can BUY literally ANY service you can think of, well, getting anything you want= easy. hence that is why there are so many scam and fake practices today… and they, in turn, steal the chances of truly dedicated people

    The human-animal, it is funny that the majority of today's world keeps functioning under a lie, they way we can put up with bullshit and tell ourselves that our wasted lives are okay… when in fact we know it is not…

  24. Jonathan Davis Posted on November 28, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Loneliness for me revolves around being accepted and loved. I've done stupid things in my time of life. Wish I had people I could be completely honest with. But that is just not possible.

  25. MK45 Posted on November 28, 2019 at 4:26 pm

    My problem is that I can’t find people who really are on my frequency. I got some “friends” but i just don’t get that feeling of a real friendship which could last long. I don’t really feel comfortable in this world. Some times I do for a short time but I always find myself lonely and in a bad mood.

  26. siuabc Posted on November 28, 2019 at 5:57 pm

    Community, friends, relatives, country of origin were taking away from me at age 8 due to extreme family/ childhood traumas…. I wasn't a loner or quiet kid before then….. But, Since then, been always "trying" to belong or connected to people, relationships…. Trying to be "normal and part of something"…. But, at midlife, feeling lost and alone.

  27. Heather A Posted on November 28, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    The reason we feel alienated is because the society is infantile, trivial, and stupid. So the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation. I grapple with this because I’m a parent. And I think anybody who has children, you come to this realization, you know—what’ll it be? Alienated, cynical intellectual? Or slack-jawed, half-wit consumer of the horseshit being handed down from on high? There is not much choice in there, you see. And we all want our children to be well adjusted; unfortunately, there’s nothing to be well adjusted to! –
    Terence McKenna

  28. Yellow Snow Posted on November 28, 2019 at 6:52 pm

    I'm alone… And I'm happy about it. You have less problems, you can focus on yourself and I feel better and healthier with most social contacts cut off

  29. Greg Garnet Posted on November 28, 2019 at 7:33 pm

    I dont want anyone, even myself…

  30. Sir Uppercrust III Posted on November 28, 2019 at 8:12 pm

    I want me a girlfriend but I’m afraid of rejection because I’m usually always rejected so I just stay alone

  31. House of the Rising Sun Posted on November 28, 2019 at 10:59 pm

    Society, you're a crazy breed. I hope you're not lonely without me…………

  32. steve coley Posted on November 29, 2019 at 12:09 am

    Greed is hate. The worship of greed and hate makes us not trust. I don't worship greed (hate), but I have been surrounded by those who do.

  33. Jane Doe Posted on November 29, 2019 at 12:33 am

    I am so lonely. My life is pointless and I should never have been born.

  34. YaBoiRamen Posted on November 29, 2019 at 2:18 am

    I am a 16 year old highschool student and I have always had a difficult time dealing with this situation. Since my early childhood I've lived in a small town and have been surrounded mostly by people who are so radically different than myself that it is difficult to gain any footing for a social interaction. I have recently been trying to correct the antisocial behavior I taught myself as a young child, and although I am not a complete loner, I find that trying to connect with the people I see day to day is, in most cases, more detrimental than it is helpful to me. I feel like our values are just too different for any connection to be made. I am worried I am becoming jaded due to my isolation, but I've been through the wringer of sacrificing my own self respect to have friends and I will not do that again. What is one to do in a situation like this?

  35. Orbite flow Posted on November 29, 2019 at 4:51 am

    Our goal is to run away from this rat race.

  36. May Baby Posted on November 29, 2019 at 5:23 am

    I feel like in every friendship I’ve ever been in, I either have to over extend myself or am smothered

  37. T S Posted on November 29, 2019 at 6:27 am

    Sometimes I really like tot be alone. I don’t think it’s bad, but you need to know how you can get out of it.

  38. hendra nivas Posted on November 29, 2019 at 7:09 am

    i wasn't that introvert ago,
    but now i don't go outside, i love spending time alone but sometimes i really feel lonely, i have no frnds to talk, no frnds to hangout with .. i think being an introvert sometime sucks

  39. Mr. Goldfish Posted on November 29, 2019 at 9:13 am

    I don't choose to be alone. I just don't know where to go or what to do.

  40. Selin Isiksoy Posted on November 29, 2019 at 9:27 am

    It doesn't matter how much we need to be alone. Deeper in ourselves we need to get close, communicate, touch… 
    Like a baby needs warmth of her/his mother.
    Long story short: don't be afraid to get in touch and communicate. We are humans and we need it to.

  41. TJM KRK Posted on November 29, 2019 at 1:36 pm

    I felt lonely, so i adopted a kitten. I don't feel lonely any more.

  42. Provoking Truth Posted on November 29, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    I love to be alone with my Girlfriend. Sometimes we don't see anybody else for days. Pure bliss. I know it's not totally alone, but we're just two loners. Together

  43. KWYJIB0 Posted on November 29, 2019 at 3:51 pm

    The house I rent a room, I stayed in my room the whole time Thanksgiving. I still felt like the weirdo the whole time. There were a lot of people that I could talk with. I don't mean to be rude. I still felt like I was doing something wrong

  44. Ghiggy del rosario Posted on November 29, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    You do not need to pleased everyone and force yourself to be with people,i think its all about being yourself and be comfortable with your own company or spend sometimes socialising,its just about balancing your time or life

  45. m7_rd Posted on November 30, 2019 at 12:06 am

    Loneliness leads to further loneliness and that make it even hard for you to be social..

  46. Wither. Posted on November 30, 2019 at 2:19 am

    When you get so lonely, you don’t really feel lonely anymore. Shadows and the eerie sounds of your cage are your only visitors now.

  47. ChuChuCita Nellas Posted on November 30, 2019 at 2:19 am

    I found that I'm lonely out of choice and that I AM the reason that I am. I would be hanging out with my thoughts more than people which lead to ruminating. I have so much goals and things to succeed in life that I put my social life after everything.

  48. GiftedSince92 GiftedSince92 Posted on November 30, 2019 at 3:42 am

    Great video! I like being to myself. Being alone helps me in a lot of ways. I connect more with myself. I do have friends and a social life. I think people can cope with loneliness. I like the feeling of being free. Loneliness has its pros and cons. Regardless, we hall can have a balance life. I strive to be the best version of myself. This video is very helpful. You have a new subscriber! Keep up the good work!

  49. Martin Strnad Posted on November 30, 2019 at 4:33 am

    use the time being alone to work out, ti learn new things, to travel on your own and then use all that social capital every time you need the feel to socialize, you'll be surprised how many people will suddenly want to know you, most of them will be empty shells though, so get ready to apply very thick filter

  50. Emily W Posted on November 30, 2019 at 6:02 am

    This is so true. When I went to Japan and stayed in hostels, I met so many people. I loved hanging out with them, but it soon got to the point where I just wanted a day to myself. Yet when I got back to the USA I found myself suddenly lonely. Nowadays I do my best to put effort into my social life but I find that a lot of people are just not willing to put in the same effort. I find myself with lots of friends, but not many close friends. A lot of my social life now consists of going to my local parkour gym and it make me sad to realize that I need to pay a membership fee to hang out with a large portion of my friends.

  51. ColdPizza Posted on November 30, 2019 at 6:20 am

    This is very enlightening.

  52. Zen Ventzi Posted on November 30, 2019 at 7:01 am

    Well rounded video.

  53. vidmario bros Posted on November 30, 2019 at 7:18 am

    It isn't hard to find friends but finding friends that truly accept you and care for is what is hard

  54. Lesedi MK Posted on November 30, 2019 at 8:45 am

    Loneliness is beautiful when you enjoy the company of who you’re left with

  55. Eugen Virtan Posted on November 30, 2019 at 9:02 am

    You're precisely on point on the difference between a collectivist and an individualistic country. I was born in an ex-(but still)-collectivist place and lived for several years in what I belive is the pure definition of an individualistic country. While abroad, I struggled to build and maintain friendships, felt like I was usually the only one trying, and didn't have my basic social needs met most of the time. While at home, I struggle to balance friendships with my own personal space and time, I miss the interesting culture, the beautiful cities and the cultured and educated people. While, at the time, I ended up hating living abroad, I realise now that loneliness shaped my moral development, my intellect, forced me to develop an interesting personality and try different hobbies. This is what I miss the most. At home, people tend to rely on others to cover for their own insecurities and fears, rather than face them alone, so that's why I believe they're so quick to make friends. I find it extremely difficult to find people I actually want to spend my time with, because everyone is usually so bland and generic. It's tough to say which one I prefer. I'd still pick my home for now, the evil I know, but the idea of returning to the West never left my mind, especially now since I feel that I'm more mature than when I left.

  56. Scoot Posted on November 30, 2019 at 11:17 am

    even with my friends right beside me, i feel incredibly lonely and incomplete, like theres something missing and i just dont know what. i feel lonely no matter how many people im hanging out with and it sucks.

  57. Mile Puzic Posted on November 30, 2019 at 11:18 am

    Guys, check Joe Dispenza.

  58. Matt Mariani Posted on November 30, 2019 at 1:45 pm

    Being someone who desires and thrives in isolation, I have learned that having at least 2-3 humans in your life that you can absolutely trust, talk to and see at least weekly help with the cons of living as a loner.

  59. Svetlana H Posted on November 30, 2019 at 2:30 pm

    do u have podcast

  60. Scott Kirk Posted on November 30, 2019 at 3:09 pm

    very interesting.

  61. Urzsula Z Posted on November 30, 2019 at 5:59 pm

    I feel good to live myself

  62. Vonte Paige Posted on November 30, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    I feel like when people talk about loneliness and social isolation, it comes off as if it’s the persons fault who is lonely, depressed, and isolated. Lots of people who are lonely don’t mind being sociable and connecting with other people. We just know who to trust and who not to trust. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of negativity and negative people in this world and you have to be careful with who you share your personality with because people can and will try to take advantage of it; which can lead to being lonely and isolated because there isn’t a lot people you can trust. You have to protect yourself. And by making people feel guilty of being lonely and depressed doesn’t make things any better. And you also don’t know the persons back story on why he or she is lonely. There’s a reason for everything and people need to be more sensitive other to people’s feelings because every one of us has been and still are going through certain circumstances in our lives.

  63. Victorianne Castle Posted on November 30, 2019 at 7:23 pm

    It's annoying you have to bring out these individualistic and collectivist mentality, and grouped people by their country. It's stupid.
    I live in Asia all my life. Philippines. I'm a hermit. I haven't socialize for the last two years straight and worked only through my laptop. I don't talk to my neighbors.
    It doesn't matter which culture you live. Everyone experiences something that is the same in another culture.

    The only thing I agree here is that we need connection. I know it. Loneliness is painful.

  64. SlightysBack Posted on November 30, 2019 at 7:49 pm

    Dilemma is the right word for it. I am generally happy being in solitude (big time introvert). at the same time i feel somehow guilty for it, therefore I wont enjoy it fully in retrospect. Also being too long time alone will increase feelings of social anxiety and ability to deal with people, so too much of it is not a very good idea for me either.

  65. PowerBeard Posted on November 30, 2019 at 8:35 pm

    loneliness is just a survival instinct
    i never asked for this

  66. im bored Posted on December 1, 2019 at 2:11 am

    reading these comments is really putiing me in my feels

  67. Gee Tee Posted on December 1, 2019 at 2:16 am

    I make an effort to engage with a stranger every time I'm in public but I enjoy that I'm making the effort. I like solitude by my decision.

  68. heat Posted on December 1, 2019 at 2:47 am

    I moved to a giant city and find it so hard to build a group of friends.

  69. IHateMy Username Posted on December 1, 2019 at 4:08 am

    I stay alone, self imposed for the past 10 or so years. Not because I have any problem with my friends but I had a real abusive childhood. Never really got a chance to process anything. Plus I got some health problems that means I cant hang out as much as I did when I was younger. Spend my time studying the Bible and spiritual matters and getting to know God. And though I get lonely at times, I actually do enjoy it and appreciate it. I do have a son so I'm not completely alone which makes me even more happy. Faith in God gets me through any rough patches and I'm really glad how things are.

  70. Greatest Ever Posted on December 1, 2019 at 4:16 am

    People are trash better off by ya self 😕

  71. ThirdEyeWiiizard Posted on December 1, 2019 at 4:48 am

    I just want a gf so I can stop talking to everyone else 🙁

  72. Dan Swildens Posted on December 1, 2019 at 9:13 am

    I think in Indonesia a lot of people greeted you and wanted to start a conversation is because you obviously look Western and they are intrigued. I think if an out of town Indonesian came to stay at the hotel you were staying at, most, or all people working there wouldn't pay much notice to him.

  73. Erol B. Posted on December 1, 2019 at 10:26 am

    Mental illness is not self-imposed. Being unable to connect like a normal person with others because mental illness is incapacitating is not self-imposed. You did not achieve your character and personality. You drawed a lucky brain.

  74. Carlos Escobar Posted on December 1, 2019 at 11:36 am

    The minute we think we are not one little purt of creation we separate our selves from the creation of life and begin to believe we are lonley

  75. Carlos Escobar Posted on December 1, 2019 at 11:39 am

    The fact is we depend on creation and creation depends on us ..lock the trees make our oxygen and we make thares nice right and in this manner we depend on men you other ways..

  76. theandy4ever Posted on December 1, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    theres no dilema, fuck people

  77. Thecompleted Luigitwat Posted on December 1, 2019 at 1:56 pm

    9 billion

  78. Thecompleted Luigitwat Posted on December 1, 2019 at 2:01 pm

    u have to be lucky and find a tiny group who also like to be loney but valvue individualism, that way u can be friends and avoid ethics. ect.

  79. Bruther Rahman Posted on December 1, 2019 at 3:04 pm

    Loneliness and solitude are side of same coin

  80. maddie hall Posted on December 2, 2019 at 5:17 am

    I saw a quote on twitter saying “I like being alone, I just don’t like being lonely” and I relate to it so much

  81. Erick White Posted on December 2, 2019 at 6:52 am

    I see socializing as long as people care and want to interact as being far less of a problem then solitude. Then again I haven't had a real connection with a group of friends since most of those I held dear passed away. I have only a few people to interact with online, and I only see people at work whom are already paired up or too lost in work to be able to want to interact. Throw into that long hours and tough working conditions and you find yourself completely lost.

    I haven't been on a date in years. I haven't really hung out with friends that are free but twice in over a year. The only people I interact with really are online. Bosses at work don't seem to care, and no one really wants a connection. Being different than others causes a problem and even interacting with those you know in a religious setting can give connection and those you know you can count on, but then if you don't find a mate, or others that link with or have time for you in multiple other ways you find yourself still alienated from the world.

    The only real touch I've had for over a year is when I give someone a firm handshake. Its… painful and depression sits in often.

  82. Juan Posted on December 2, 2019 at 7:48 am

    the friendships I try to make when I moved to London never reciprocate….this is the first time i am feeling complete emotional detachment from everyone

  83. tintinesk5 Posted on December 2, 2019 at 8:15 am

    Many people tend to USE you for what you’re worth to them… it happened to me many times, once your value to them is gone or too low, they treat you like dirt until you leave that relationship yourself, (for example them only talking to you when they need their issues solved or when their other “better” and socially higher valued company has left). And they wait until you are so fed up that it leads to arguments, after which they have the perfect excuse to drop you with abusive words. You get “valued”, either (and/or) sexually, for your intelligence, mental strength, time you spend on them, money, your emotional involvement in their problems… etc etc … like a price tag put onto you. Once the value gets too low, they either discourage you by their carelessness/lack of respect, because they want to get rid of you, until you give up and retreat, or they just cut you loose, with making up an excuse or playing the blame-game, or they make no excuse at all. Transactional contacts. So for 9 months now, I’ve been on seclusion, after having been (played and used) by a self-centred woman who demanded and got total exclusive devotion from me, pretending towards me that it was mutual, a ton of fantastic words, until I found out I had always been one of her “open options”, and I was not the only one who heard those words. And other men whom she valued higher got much more from her, hidden from me. While they gave her much less! But she preferred uninvolved, demeaning, abusive, selfish, bad guys over me. So it’s done for me. The same things, connection/love etc that can make you happy/heal you/inspire you/make you glow inside/make you feel something, can break your heart and spirit, push you into utter despair, when it goes wrong and/or you misjudge people.

  84. יעל סילוני אטעיששכטא Posted on December 2, 2019 at 9:00 am

    Im lonely & its coool 🥺

  85. Arthur Posted on December 2, 2019 at 10:23 am

    I moved to Netherlands as student to study i feel the same way about you saying need an scheduled appointment… I end up just sitting in my room all the time and feeling lonely…

  86. The MasterYocheese Posted on December 2, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    the last words are what we needed

  87. Delia Guerra Posted on December 2, 2019 at 6:20 pm

    It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson,

  88. 문지원 Posted on December 2, 2019 at 7:10 pm

    When I am alone, nobody is judging me. When nobody is judging me, I feel content with myself and am therefore happy. I lie in bed and tell myself that the happiness is false, that true happiness only comes by belonging in a society and achieving things. But I think every person should have the right to choose the kind of happiness he wants. I am a recluse because I was born with qualities that make me a recluse. These are the cards I've been dealt, and I will live accordingly. Society leads me to believe that being a recluse equals being a loser, but I choose not to be mislead and will instead find my own happiness alone.

  89. joxer cat Posted on December 2, 2019 at 7:48 pm

    especially if your work involves people in your face during the week , I need to take time out from human contact ; a self imposed exile to keep my sanity !. " Music is the pause between the notes !" – Claude Debussy .

  90. pineapple express Posted on December 2, 2019 at 8:03 pm

    I'm lonely all the time and have been for most of my life. I find it hard to relate to people who seem to grow increasingly fake and no one seems genuine anymore. I was invited to Thanksgiving dinner at my teacher's house this year because she knew I didn't have anybody to celebrate with. Her idea was that because she had a child around my same age that we would hit it off. It became painfully clear that this person was just doing this to make her mom happy. She invited her own friends the event and avoided me the entire time because she didn't know me. I sat there for straight up 8 hours awkwardly staring at my feet until she was ready to give me a ride home. I kept trying to talk to her and everyone to make conversation and I was just basically ignored or given one sentence responses. I tried really hard but in the end based on many things she said and the way she acted about me I could tell that this was just basically a charity case to them. Just the way for them to feel better about themselves or something I guess. This is why I don't hang out with people.

  91. Ryan Gilbert Posted on December 2, 2019 at 9:14 pm

    I used to be in a church but the at-the-time youth pastor told me to give up on wanting to be with people

  92. Antichrys Posted on December 2, 2019 at 10:32 pm

    Once, I had a friend who I had nearly nothing in common with when it comes to interests and hobbies.

    And in any other circumstance, we may as well have been strangers who didn't want to have anything to do with the other. Yet somehow we still enjoyed each other's company.

    We met through work and continued to be close even after we both moved on from that job and only caught up with each other a few times a year because of our separate career paths.

    We did share one thing. It was how we both approached relating to other people and how we felt people should be treated. We essentially advised each other on how to approach each of our life situations. It kept us together for 17 years.

    Each honestly gave each other's views, not being afraid to show vulnerability in the process. We each did the hard work of slowly getting to know what each other valued in life despite our differences. When I needed an honest opinion on how to approach a personal problem, I did not need to look very far.

    Because of him, I learned to take the initiative in finding common ground with 'others' and search for the fun in being in their company when at first it would seem like we could not get along. l found myself not being so afraid of people once I felt like leaving solitude and longing for company (he was the more social one).
    Cause you never know…..

    I don't know any of you but its my wish that fortune blesses each of you with the privilege to experience a friend like mine. Seneca knew what he was talking about.

    -ANY person(s) has the potential to be a great friend(s)
    -FORGIVE YOURSELF. Chances are, YOU are telling yourself things that prevent openness with people
    -As hard as it might be, try to give that other person the benefit of the doubt, they may just be having a bad day.
    -Making the other person laugh and teasing (ie. ballbusting) helps A LOT in keeping friends together.

    Rest in peace wherever you are, buddy.

  93. Julius Caesar Posted on December 2, 2019 at 10:46 pm

    People are picky and a lot of us won’t give ah chance to anyone because they don’t meet our expectations and this is hard because we all want someone that is perfect when in reality we all have big flaws

  94. Julius Caesar Posted on December 2, 2019 at 10:55 pm

    Social media is destroying the why we communicate and except people and the way we think about everyone a lot of people are very self centered on social media and saying things like we don’t need anyone to be happy but in reality’s all do need that person if you want to be happy let go of social media and others recommendations follow your heart and mind think hard and make it work with just taking the step and having faith in the change and positivity don’t be negative because you’ll make other negative towards you so be positive towards your spouse and they will fill this lift them up and show them they are worthy

  95. The Xenocrat Posted on December 3, 2019 at 1:57 am

    Whats the point of trying to be friends with people when they'll randomly cut you out of your life for no reason. just one day ghosted.

    Being alone is easier, plus it makes my suicide easier cause no one will notice or care.

  96. Bruce Wayne Posted on December 3, 2019 at 2:04 pm

    4:36 I am so glad I can now put a name to my problem. I have never liked bing involved with clubs or groups. I played sports, but that's different. I never could figure out why I don't like joining clubs in high school or college, but now I do; I don't like being part of something that might force me to change my views or beliefs. I do not want my identity to be attached to a group whose beliefs are not my own. It is crazy how people would join groups that they don't believe in just for the sake of socializing.

  97. Vonte Paige Posted on December 3, 2019 at 3:07 pm

    What do you mean by paying the price?