September 20, 2019
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When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly!  Counterfeit Relationship. Narcissism Expert


[Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome welcome to my latest video blog today I’m going to talk about covert narcissus again there’s no coincidence that that video was one of my most viewed videos there are something about covert narcissism and how upsetting it is for those who learn about it for the first time a more than that is to realize that there has been where there is a covert narcissus in your life they are the worst type of narcissists the absolute worst think about it covert narcissus thrive by pretending to be something they are not altruistic kind and pathetic connective they pretend to be codependence and as I explained in detail in my my youtube video on covert narcissism they get what they need out of life by creating this false self this facade that gets some the money the respect but all at the same time they’re in these relationships where they’re hurting people and behaving pathologically narcissistic behind the scenes but what I want to talk about today is what to do when you find yourself in a relationship with a covert narcissist it is most of all first and foremost disturbing because you have bought into the image the the persona of the kind benevolent giving person and don’t we all want to believe that the person who were in a friendship with the person who is our therapist or rabbi or doctor our husband wife don’t we want to believe that the kindness is true that they really care about us and that the empathy is not be us but when that facade comes crumbling down it leaves us with a gaping hole of wonder what the hell happened to us how could we have been so foolish the first thing I want to say to all of my YouTube viewers if you are a victim of a covert narcissist please don’t be so hard on yourself they thrive on being able to fool they thrive and being able to deceive not because they’re sociopaths or liars but because they can’t get what they want if the world knows who they really are so my advice is don’t beat yourself up what I teach my clients and those who come to my seminars or watch my videos is that in self-love deficit disorder or a new name for codependency is that the narcissus thrive and survive on our bad self-esteem so the worst thing you can do when you uncover a covert narcissist is to beat yourself up and to think that you are stupid and you fell for it and and to just ridicule and drag yourself across the coals you are just one of many many victims of this person the second thing I recommend is to calm down when you uncover the covert narcissus real motives and you finally understand that what you see is not what really is if you uncover it and you bring it to light especially in public they have everything to gain by making you look bad making you look irrational by making you look mentally ill or just to intimidate you and berate you until you actually recoil and admit to them that you were wrong so let me repeat it is to not call them out especially in public because there is too much at stake for them to lose that audience that group of people that job that supply them not only their narcissistic riches or narcissistic rewards but sometimes their job the third piece of advice once you discover that your loved one or someone with whom you are in a relationship that is a covert narcissist you’re not going to call them out you are going to decide on a way to exit the relationship a way to terminate the relationship without an obvious confrontation come up with an exit plan make this exit plan carefully carefully thought through and carefully executed if the covert narcissus discovers your exit plan say it is to terminate the relationship say it is to break up the relationship is to seek your divorce and you decide to call them out to pull the mask off they are smart enough manipulated enough and they have too much to lose not to discredit you and turn it around back to you and remember as most of my viewers know because I my videos resonate for codependent codependent audiences or those who are in recovery remember it’s just not what we do well we are not good at holding our ground and setting boundaries with manipulative with manipulative narcissist so that the next step is to create a boundary of protection around you because just by the mere fact that you have created an exit plan and you have executed the exit plan that in itself will get the covert narcissist nervous they’re smart enough to know that if you are not part of their followers you are not part of the audience that loves them that that that craves what they have to give and you back off get cold I’m even the most minor boundaries they’re going to know something is wrong and again have a lot of reason have a lot at stake to turn the situation around on you to make you look bad to restore them to their covert narcissist facade the next step is to understand how passive-aggressive covert narcissists are and I cannot say this more I cannot emphasize this enough when you find out that someone is a covert narcissist you uncover them they’re probably going to find out because you know we’re human as I say you’re probably not going to win if you drop if you take them on directly because they’re smart enough manipulation of and they have legions of followers who believe in this image of perfection and kindness and love it and love their passive-aggressive ways we’ll be able to take all of their followers and all the people that drink their covert narcissist kool-aid and they will be able to get them to understand what is wrong with you in a way we call this projection you the threat who knows who exactly who they really are who can expose them who calls them out they have everything to gain by making you look bad and because their covert narcissists they don’t do anything direct there’s no direct aggression there’s no direct confrontation it’s passive aggressive reactions the retaliation is manipulative sometimes I’m hidden in hidden in what seems obviously kind benevolent and even appreciative actions and then but when the when the passive-aggressive covert narcissist is going to fight you back and they’re doing it as I said behind the scenes they have to do it in a way that protects their image in their facade so their don’t the way that they do that is they set you up to look bad they antagonize you in a wet and they antagonize you in a way that gets you to defend yourself to attack them this is that this is the technique that you hear not-so-healthy psychotherapists use where they use their psychotherapy superiority to defend themselves and to turn you against yourself and and to through through a fancy use of words and dysfunctional analysis is to protect themselves by being the person that suggests you really are the problem and not them there’s many even words for this but it’s certain system mind manipulation the last thing I want to say about how to deal with covert narcissist is to understand the degree of danger involved I know personally that every time I’ve called out a covert narcissist and I and I think of famous YouTube person I think of a psychologist a therapist I think a boss I think of a friend and it has always been a difficult up hill battle to to not only survive but to get out of it unscathed I have to admit that I made a lot of mistakes trying to do it the right way which is why I’m doing this video the wrong way was to to assume that my intellect or my ability to argue a point could be as good as theirs and take them on directly in almost every case it it resulted in this long extended argument whether it was through email or face-to-face but ultimately in almost every one of the cases I would find out behind the scenes how much time energy and even money the covert narcissus expended resources that they expended to not only dismiss my claims but to make me look like the bad person ultimately resurrecting their image and their reputation so to all my YouTube viewers do not take on a covert narcissist directly they have everything to gain by making you look bad and their whole life story is about the manipulation of others their perceptions or feelings their expectations and to manipulate them to believe there’s something they’re not so if you no matter how right you are and how righteous you feel want to take them on there’s a good probability you’re going to lose so cut your losses ident identify their covert narcissism come up with an exit plan initiate it or execute it quietly without a lot of confrontation be prepared for the battle which is for them too passive aggression passive aggressively manipulates you and put you in the bad light to make them look like the victim and you the perpetrator and get the hell out of the relationship don’t argue with them don’t go on a public forum don’t try to prove your point because that’s that’s it’s like wrestling with a pig and hoping you won’t get dirty and by the way pigs as George Bernard Shaw said and to say saying pigs love to wrestle in the mud ultimately to achieve self-love which really is the goal of every codependent or a person with self-love deficit disorder wants is to disconnect from those pigs who love to wrestle of the mud they suggest get out of the relationship and find either a space where you can find yourself and nurture yourself and love yourself and then reconnect with others you’ll find those are the ones who are really themselves what you see is what you get and I’ll tell you after being in a relationship with a covert narcissist you will really appreciate it so find a way to heal the wounds to love yourself to reconnect yourself to what’s important to you and what you deserve and then those relationships will happen and you’ll never again be subjected to a covert narcissist and God forbid if one should come your way you’ll see it you’ll see that mask before they uh they say bad or night so thank you thank you for listening to me I hope my video has been helpful I’m consider going to advance clinical trainers comm where you will see all of my seminars for professional and general audience and my book the human magnet Center take care and be well [Music] [Applause] you

Otis Rodgers

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100 COMMENTS

  1. Demetra Christophorides Posted on July 29, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    This is the most straightforward description of a covert narcissist I've encountered so far and describes exactly my experience with such a person. And yes, do not confront a covert narcissist… you're going to lose… Just quietly move on.

    Reply
  2. Debra Chase Posted on July 29, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    If you could only know the kindness and timeliness of this. With the insight you've provided, I have an idea you do. Thank-you.

    Reply
  3. Jeff Klahn Posted on July 29, 2019 at 7:59 pm

    Thank You? You explained my boss to the T. 3 years I wasted with this company with all the false lies and hopes. I wish I could have seen this video 2 years ago.

    Reply
  4. Jamie Harris Posted on July 30, 2019 at 1:33 am

    Best video ever.

    Reply
  5. Brittney Posted on July 30, 2019 at 1:52 am

    I used to work with one. Wooo Chile. I’m glad i don’t work at that bank anymore. That lady was insane.

    Reply
  6. A Dream Lyfe, By Michelle Carvalho Posted on July 30, 2019 at 3:15 am

    This video is interesting but I wish for once people would stop blaming narcissistic targeting on low self-esteem and self-love deficit. That is a misconception that is starting to border on ignorance, lies, and a pathological misunderstanding of the narcissist/psychopathic dynamic in our society. Contrary to the repetitive, regurgitating information between bloggers and youtubers, there is a painful lack of financial investment in this big issue but most of us are becoming more aware of these common facts: Narcs and pscyhos DO NOT want low love, low esteem people… they actually specifically target HIGH empathetic, intelligent, compassionate, self-loving, people loving, highly sensitive people — only from these people can they get what they truly want… to murder, kill, and abolish a full lively spirit before it can spread that love and make good of it. Let's stop making ourselves out to be weak targets. They target us because we have so much to give, not because we have so little. Stop labeling people "co-dependent, and any other negative term made to suggest some people are less than emotionally or spiritually – or like something is wrong with them. it's ridiculous labeling and promotes the wrong idea.

    Reply
  7. Marianne Poulos Posted on July 30, 2019 at 4:24 am

    Oh I'm here. Thank u for your support and knowledge. This was so very healing.

    Reply
  8. Kicking it with Kim Brooks Posted on July 30, 2019 at 8:18 am

    Am I the only one who is not afraid of a covert narc? Admittedly, I used to let them get under my skin, but watching videos like this have empowered me with knowledge so I now know who I’m dealing with, and growing in self-love, self-worth and awareness have caused me to know who I am so that whatever the narc says about me, I realize, is not the truth. This whole ‘be scared and run’ from another human being with a personality disorder sounds self-defeating and weak to me. What if they’re your boss, so you have to run around looking for different jobs? I do agree not to be in a romantic relationship with one, that would be too draining. But dealing with them on a regular basis in different settings I’ve learned to set emotional boundaries, when they call me out I have a conversation with myself internally while smiling inside knowing the truth, and I go about my day still laughing with others and walking in joy like I usually do. In other words, I’m still free to be me. Knowing who they are and their manipulative ways lets me know who I’m dealing with, and I have learned to ignore them emotionally, though they may think they still have control when they really don’t and it feels great 😊 I don’t confront them, I just don’t let their manipulative ways affect me since I now know the truth, and the truth has set me free! 🤗

    Reply
  9. WeylandYutaniInc Posted on July 30, 2019 at 9:22 am

    What if your mother is a narcissistic and your brothers and sister agree with her. Should I just leave?

    Reply
  10. Stephanie Pynes Posted on July 31, 2019 at 3:00 am

    Im not sure if Im dealing with the same thing but I had an acquaintance whom Id slowly tried to be a friend to.. she began crashing my boundaries and after several times and warnings I decided to put the relationship away.. i simply told her i needed to square some things away in my life and Im taking a leave of absence that I didn't want to discuss it but when I was ready to communicate Id let her know. And as the boundaries became more rigid she pushed harder until finally I had to say it– "The reason I do not want to communicate with you is because you have trampled my boundaries" and I gave examples.. that wasn't enough.. she started calling my friends who were mutual friends and telling outright lies. These were literal fairytales of manipulation and and personal attacks on me and my character. They knew she was lying so that was salvaged. But she doesn't have a fantastic life of money and glitz. She is a broken rube in my opinion. An alcoholic with no self worth.. so is the behavior of someone who refuses to respect even basic boundaries coupled with punishment if you do not bow down to them the sign of a narcissist? I admit, I never saw the drama coming.. never knew she could be so destructive and I do feel like I was sucker punched.. I, OF ALLLLLL PEOPLE, SHOULD KNOW BETTER. PS, I didn't respond to the lies. I have completely blocked her from my life. But each day Im waiting on the shoe to fall.

    Reply
  11. Andy Cawley Posted on July 31, 2019 at 5:02 am

    Was with my covert narc for 20 years. Very good video, Mine died- thank God. They are also quite vulnerable- wait a minute – that was probably created too. A mind fuck…But I've been free for 9 months and getting there. It is possible to recover.

    Reply
  12. Descartes' Donkey Posted on July 31, 2019 at 3:54 pm

    if you look at his eyes you can see the "tell" and the "joy" of misleading you, the lies he peddles as his insights ( actually book learned bullshit) . He is peddling help rather than manipulation, his help IS the manipulation because he is what he describes. He is the narcissist, rabbi, doctor, psychologist , psychoanalyst?
    Believe these people and become a puppet. You are your own captain. Grow some and become great.

    Reply
  13. Lijana Posted on July 31, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    I met this Man online & first thing he told me about himself that he came from the narcissist family.What i didnt know that he didn't heal from his childhood experiences & he is still very traumatized. He seemed so kind, generous but all that was just an image to cover himself.These people can only take from you & when they see they took all you could give , they jump into next target! Thanks god, i found out the True just at the right time. The bottom line: you can not pretend who you are not for a long time, sooner or later people find out who you are. I truly hope to never attract narcs into my Life ever again.

    Reply
  14. Justiceforall Posted on July 31, 2019 at 8:15 pm

    After years of trial & error and many tears and lost friends & family, I've found a loop hole. Be the victim & as he said on the video, DO NOT ENGAGE! You can't give them an in. Get out, stay out and ignore ALL attempts at reengaging.

    Reply
  15. K G Posted on August 1, 2019 at 12:11 am

    My step son is, i believe, a covert malignant narcissist… I can't leave the home because I'm married to his father and we have bills, a life, and love each other. His son is almost 18 but has been violent with me. Unfortunately when I've called the police, in the last area we lived in, they didn't arrest him because he is 15. What am i to do when I can't go No Contact…

    Reply
  16. Scottie Handford Posted on August 1, 2019 at 4:07 am

    What about when you have to co parent with a narc!?

    Reply
  17. Renae karen Shantal. Posted on August 1, 2019 at 5:36 am

    Hi… Pliz tell me the different types of narcissists.. Also, is it possible for a relationship with a narc to work out?? With whc type of narc can u stand a chance for it to work out?? Coz as u know, there are difft degrees to the damage the nac has..

    Reply
  18. Anthony Clarke Posted on August 1, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    Funny , my previous relationship was with Narc but I did.t know anything about it,It was like talking to the wall, constant lies, thankfully he found better source and moved out of my house, he still stayed 2 years after divorce. When few years latter I met my present Narc it was like a breath of fresh air, he was so interested in anything I said , he processed my every sentence and replayed, sex was amazing, constant attention etc…perfect….. and then the games started. So it is very difficult to spot narc straight away in that love bombing period, you get hooked and it's to late.

    Reply
  19. Emilija Poposka Posted on August 1, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    Don't explain. Just get the f outta there!!! Narcissist will try to trap you and make you feel guilty. Do not forget that he /she is a monster!!!

    Reply
  20. injusticehurley Posted on August 1, 2019 at 10:13 pm

    What exactly is losing? I have a few narcissists in my life, covert and overt plus a few hanging about in the dark triad too and I call them out and I don't give a shit what kind of smear campaign they launch. Doesn't bother me in the slightest as I don't worry what others think. I know my truth.

    Reply
  21. Lass-in Angeles Posted on August 2, 2019 at 8:35 am

    You gave me a lot of insights and I am so grateful. It looks like my ex husband of 25 yrs was a covert Narc and my daughter is an overt Narc. It grieved and troubled me to think how I could have created a Narcissistic child, but now the pattern falls into place. How blind we are! We do not see into the heart of things. 25 yrs of deception, manipulation, passive aggression, then during the divorce all hell broke loose. I went to hell and lived there for the duration. There was such joy when he could not harm me any more, I thought. But he started to pit the kids against me, and my aging parents, and made the rounds of MY relatives globally spreading lies like birdseed. The enormity of it hit me years later. My parents died believing ill of me. My kids were estranged and I lost so many years. I have really gone to hell and back.

    But now, I feel so strong. No more victim. My ex is imploding from his own shrinking world, while mine is expanding gloriously. I cut off all ties. My kids are coming around, even the Narc. By letting everything go, I feel such peace. Your video was like pinning the last tail on the donkey – I understood what he was. I knew he was manipulating, and passive aggressive, but could not see the Narc side, but now I do. Wonderful to have these insights. I'm deeply grateful!

    Reply
  22. Ourgytj Ourgytj Posted on August 2, 2019 at 11:18 pm

    In this video, you committed an error that is very important to be aware of. You built up their notoriety. You made them appear almost omnipotent and omniscient. A narcissist listening to this video would feel very satisfied with your description of them and thought devoted to dealing with them. The best way to deal with them is to not care about them. And I don't mean to show them that you don't care about them – that's a reaction they can work with. I mean truly and deeply not care about them and their pathetic bullshit.

    Reply
  23. gerry robinson Posted on August 3, 2019 at 5:51 am

    "they set you up to look bad, they antagonize you, they antagonize you, in a way to get you to attack them (extremely manipulative) they set you up to defend yourself" to cover their false fake masquerading delusional facade to cover up the loser that they are = the convert narcissist

    Reply
  24. Greg Donier Posted on August 3, 2019 at 8:10 am

    Devil is nothing compared to this. They will kill you. They won't let you go until you are destroyed.

    Reply
  25. RL Posted on August 3, 2019 at 8:34 am

    Start with agreeing but prepare to have a sweet mouth full of he isa dumbass and humiliated failer, I work with one and have new it for a while but I Always prepare to softly poor a truck load of forced feed humiliated he is a dumb ass in front of all the guys he makes fill belittled , he will not speak a word when I inter the room , I have shit ziped this obnoxious assholes mouth to head drop

    Reply
  26. Marion Brauner Posted on August 3, 2019 at 11:18 am

    Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!
    It is so wonderful to hear someone say:" don´t argue with them. Just get the hell out of this realtionship!". It touches me. I feel understood and helped (and believed, finally!) and this touches me so deeply, that I will do exactly that. I will make a plan without big haste and leave quietly.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!! My father was hell on earth to me!

    Reply
  27. Dimitr ios artista Posted on August 4, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    Thank you, it was very useful, I uncover a narcissist woman, she was projecting her minorities on me, after I show her that I realized what she is, she blocked me on Facebook

    Reply
  28. Isabelle Posted on August 4, 2019 at 11:22 pm

    This is amazing thank you.

    Reply
  29. Mary Posted on August 5, 2019 at 8:55 am

    Quiet exit! Thank You! 👌👍✌😁

    Reply
  30. Jattin Veer Posted on August 5, 2019 at 10:01 am

    Can we beat them up for real with my hands!!

    Reply
  31. TheCarpiu Posted on August 5, 2019 at 4:00 pm

    woooow!!!! niceeee

    Reply
  32. Purple Skies Posted on August 5, 2019 at 8:44 pm

    Lol a boss I knew tried to discredit me and it did not go well for them. I kept emails, meeting minutes EVERYTHING. So when the day came Everyone saw through their bullshit because they knew my character even their spouse the VP said nothing in their defense when I finally called them out. They never admitted wrong and the elephant still sits on their face ‘til this day. Their shit of coarse still smells like roses to the public but those who worked for them still know better. So I’m ok and survived. You always stay fresh smelling when your wielding COLD HARD FACTS. I’m not stupid but have worked for morally empty individuals who end up looking stupid.

    Reply
  33. Darkreapah psn Posted on August 5, 2019 at 10:38 pm

    Ok so I recently discovered I been dealing with a narcissist for 10 months now. I fell hard for her I have been and emotional reck. My friends warn me but her hold was just to strong. Her lies Mass in head. Cousin committed suicide.Rape twice at 3 and as a teenager. Husband beat her and cheated on her and made her watch. And the one that destroyed me but at the same time woke me up was car accident. I started to realize to many things was happening to her at a rapid pace. Secondly it was a long distance relationship. So I couldn't actually check up on things to see. But when she supposedly was in the car accident. Her cousin was using her phone keeping me up to date. But when I called she wouldn't answer. Would only text me info. Wouldn't tell me the hospital. Even though the woman I was dealing with was in a coma. Said she had broken bones internal bleeding. But couldn't give me info outside of that. Cousin knew so much about me but I knew nothing about her. That's what made questions things. Her cousin would text just like the girl I was dealing with. Know conversations from 2 months ago. Her cousin said I think she is in love with you and is scared to tell you. That triggered my reality instantly because all I did was tell her my feeling of love and how much she meant to me. So how in the blue would she not tell me she love me🤔I started to question the cousin and accuse her of being the girl I was talking to. She lost it text me for 30 mins disrespecting me calling me names. Putting me down. Called me crazy etc I kept calling her a liar. Next day I crumbled and apologize. She hits me with I am crazy and I hurt her so much. And did I think of the pain I cause the family. Then she said her husband don't want me to talk to her no more. And I won't get any info telling how the girl I was talking to was doing. Next thing I know she comes out the coma and don't remember me. SMH but now she trying to get my attention hoping would go through all the work of getting her again..smh

    Reply
  34. A Love Posted on August 5, 2019 at 11:48 pm

    My mother has done the crulest things under the sun. I blocked my mother. I feel very scared .

    Reply
  35. Nel Thomas Posted on August 6, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    Is narcissism & gang stalking the same thing?

    Reply
  36. Ciara Jones Posted on August 6, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    Very good video well done💯

    Reply
  37. ashley scout Posted on August 6, 2019 at 11:32 pm

    My boyfriend’s uncle in-law is an obvious narcissist. We have a child together and so we spend our holidays together. We called him out on some of the extremely inappropriate remarks he made towards me and it did not go well. He even went so far as to carve “I hate you” into his own porch to make it look like we did it. Very scary stuff

    Reply
  38. Christie Rowena Posted on August 7, 2019 at 3:13 am

    The worst thing is that the covert narc is a student who studies psychology😱, the more she learns about people the easier for her to manipulate them..went through hell being her roommate for a year, finally moving out and having no contact from that monster..lost a few friends from her smear campaign but better than losing myself😢

    Reply
  39. Jamie Utitus Posted on August 8, 2019 at 12:00 am

    My mother is a covert narcissist … the hardest thing in the world is finally walking away.

    Reply
  40. Iopiachere Italia Posted on August 8, 2019 at 2:05 am

    There is no easy quiet way when we are in a choir and church functions. I have stayed quiet but gone to our excellent Pastors with his covert behaviors with factual stalking actions, public intimidation and obscene public gestures. The church has now given him a 50 foot no contact except in our choir or choir functions with still no contact. I gave the engagement ring back through the counselor Pastor. Now, I go to all my normal functions and ignore him. He took things (jewelry and other personal items) that I just let go. I kept the gifts he gave me and these remind me of how thankful I am to say no thank you to his intentional actions. Thank you so very much for being one of many to help me stand strong against the flying monkeys, his direct malicious and set up verbal assaults. Our church has come through and still prays for both of our healing. This quiet is a grace time for Christ’s work. His lies and threats to me and my family will not be there any longer, as he will be exposed for his multiple wrong actions as well as a contributing negative factor to his deceased wife. You, Sir, are a gift to us all.

    Reply
  41. Nuria R Posted on August 8, 2019 at 3:59 pm

    Excelent video!!! It is sooo accurate that it gave me goosebumps. I have a question for you though. My stepmom is exactly as you described, but do you think it is possible that a covert narcissist does not know what she is? That she actually believes she is this selfless caregiver? Because I think she does :S …

    Reply
  42. wilma gray Posted on August 8, 2019 at 4:04 pm

    difficult when its your mother and you are under 10 years old, they are so scary

    Reply
  43. Ala Gianelloni Posted on August 9, 2019 at 1:50 am

    Mine is like thise Covet Narsasist playing like he cares. He drove me twice in the hospital and steal say he loves me to cover his lies

    Reply
  44. Ala Gianelloni Posted on August 9, 2019 at 1:51 am

    Thank you for rhe video. Yes everything you say is true.

    Reply
  45. Helen Weinstock Posted on August 9, 2019 at 2:21 am

    The solution for all of this? The Lord Jesus Christ…❤️🥰👍

    Reply
  46. wow wow wow Posted on August 9, 2019 at 4:05 am

    Sounds like the scene in mutiny on the bounty where captain bligh makes mr christine strike him .then wipe his mouth and smiles mow iv'e got you ! The marlon brando one with trevor howard such a grest scene

    Reply
  47. Sillyman Posted on August 9, 2019 at 4:44 am

    Sounds like SJWs and liberals.

    Reply
  48. Bea Belle Posted on August 9, 2019 at 5:37 am

    What if the passive aggressive covert narcissists is your now elderly mother and you are not really able to "exit" this relationship?

    Reply
  49. Crowded places Posted on August 9, 2019 at 1:04 pm

    Thats why i left thw gay comuinty. In ft luderdale . my exs were my handlers .

    Reply
  50. Ren Sational Posted on August 9, 2019 at 3:22 pm

    I am an empath/lightworker and it is extremely difficult to avoid them because we are their main targets.

    Reply
  51. Diane Taylor Posted on August 9, 2019 at 9:35 pm

    “The Thief only comes to steal, kill and destroy.”

    Reply
  52. Christine Colella Posted on August 9, 2019 at 10:25 pm

    I have been battling this problem with my husband for years. The longer were married and the older he gets ,he gets worse. The rage towards me usually comes in the middle of the night,for hours. He is a Covert Narcissist to the tee. He has Temporal Lobe Epilepsy and justifies his Narssisist behavior on his Epilepsy. He tells me the seizures have made him this way. If that's the way then why doesn't he treat anyone else this way. I've lived in terror with him. I have no hope in him anymore. I asked him one time ,why me,why just me? His answer was because your here. I've read and educated myself on TLE ,anger and depression can certainly occur but this far extends that. I want someone to tell me if Narsitism and Epilepsy go hand in hand. I've learned a lot about Narrsissim and my husband fits 100 percent, it's very scary.

    Reply
  53. Everest Smith Posted on August 10, 2019 at 5:02 am

    No such thing as a narcissist, they are just Demon oppressed people , read the Bible . These demons can be cast out in the name of Jesus Christ and the person will return to there normal personality . Certain people that have sold her soul to the devil are much harder to cast the demons out .pray and fasting works

    Reply
  54. Pigeonlvbrd Posted on August 10, 2019 at 6:02 am

    My partner is martyr about taking care of our family. These type of videos resonate deeply, sadly both my mother and my partner fit this description. I’ve cut my mom out completely. She tried to convince my entire family behind my back that I’m crazy and not fit to be a mom. Their goal is just to hurt you. There is no being right – there is no logic- there is no love.

    Reply
  55. Fern Webb Posted on August 10, 2019 at 8:42 pm

    In the nick of time. Thank you!

    Reply
  56. J. J. Posted on August 11, 2019 at 1:10 am

    Great video
    The motto I work by is keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. (Use the subterfuge that they use in you, in order that they don't detect your disapproval)
    And fade away from them so that you are no longer the focus of their attention.

    Reply
  57. Meg Scott Posted on August 11, 2019 at 1:20 am

    BEST ADVICE EVER. I watched this when I was trying to get out of a relationship with a covert narcissist and now I'm watching it again. I believe you helped save my life. Thank you so much!

    Reply
  58. Shay Profit Posted on August 11, 2019 at 1:40 am

    Run fast and hard! When you unmask them! Not because of fear, but their exhausting… They draw you into their kill zone.

    Reply
  59. Sylvia Klages Posted on August 11, 2019 at 5:30 am

    My mother used to set up situations, bad life destroying situations, for me to get stuck in and to sink into where I would desperately need her (or her enablers') help to rescue me from. Her methods were so subtle that it appeared as though she had absolutely nothing to do with the situations, only to be sorted through much later after I was fully ensconced within her thrall. Mother owned me completely.

    …….I've never really escaped her. The woman has been dead for fourteen years, and I am still fighting her in my head. But she is not in my heart, for I love her not. That is where the knife goes in, piercing her soul for eternity. I do not love Mother, and there is nothing she can do about it now.

    Reply
  60. Lala lalala Posted on August 11, 2019 at 8:57 am

    Honey, do it quietly or loudly, it doesn't matter. .. a narcissistic parent will never ever ever let you go. They don't respect 'no contact' or boundaries. Never have, never will.

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  61. Lala lalala Posted on August 11, 2019 at 9:12 am

    If you call 'lose' the fact that they try to tell friends and relatives that they are the victim, then those people never respected you in the first place, as family members have come to me, as have friends, complaining about the narcissist's behavior and admitting that the narcissists abused me. They admitted it.

    Reply
  62. purple thumb Posted on August 11, 2019 at 12:15 pm

    The best book for dealing with a self absorbed person is the BIBLE .

    Reply
  63. Tina Trutmann Posted on August 11, 2019 at 2:35 pm

    My mom and my ex are covert narcissists…im just so exhausted…

    Reply
  64. Kristie Moore Posted on August 11, 2019 at 3:32 pm

    Sadly, my mom😞 no confrontation, no wanting to justify or be right, just walked away and grieved over the relationship I could have, would have and should have had! The healing is real the relationship was not! 😢

    Reply
  65. Terrie Ferguson Posted on August 12, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    Thankyou so much I never had the words and when I tried I was told to just ignor my father. My mother I loved but she enabled him by saying that, BUT I was sexually abused by my covert narc older sister who was a golden child who wanted to inherit and is, and my other siblings are just happy to be away in their own lives, but I was the scapegoat who was tag teamed from the age of 8 until I left home and then on and off until at 46 I decided to fight the anxiety and depression to break a cycle that I didn’t understand and didn’t want to pass on, understandably there was some permanent scars but the therapy helped me to be aware of triggers, not cured but greatful for forward movement and some self value, but I have never had it so accurately explained especially the character association that always left me feeling like it must be me because they were so respected in the community

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  66. Jeremy Vanklompenberg Posted on August 12, 2019 at 3:07 pm

    I'm quite sure my girlfriend mite be a narcissist I'm slowly see treats that point to this but we have to wonder full kids I'm the at home dad she work what advice could you give me to help me in this situation leaving is not an opinion she give me her bank card is that common for a narcissist may advice would be nice

    Reply
  67. Flutter Girl Mystified Posted on August 13, 2019 at 2:00 am

    Very empathic video. Thank you. You can't leave the relationship when the narcissist is your parent, but you can set boundaries, which is very hard, or move to another continent, like I did.
    Below is the title of your video in Portuguese, in case you'd like to add it to your description box. The auto-translation of your video to Portuguese is good enough for people to follow.

    Quando você desmascara um narcisista encoberto, CORRA, mas silenciosamente! Relacionamento falsificado. Expert em narcisismo.

    Reply
  68. TED Schmitt Posted on August 13, 2019 at 9:34 am

    They will set you up to look bad to their followers, and their kids become followers.

    Reply
  69. Crowded places Posted on August 14, 2019 at 2:21 am

    My roomate is one to late . i already riped the mask i wish i knew this a week ago . the covert narcissist has assulted me before . so im afraid he will physically attack me agian i bought mace abd a knife .

    Reply
  70. Connda Pierce Posted on August 14, 2019 at 10:57 am

    They are liars, deceivers, manipulators wolves in sheep's clothing, and appear like Angels but are really the devil. This is the M.O. or behavior of the devil in the Bible. God says that their conscience is seared, they are given over to a reprobate mind. They're incapable of real love, they just use people. So in order to get your head around this, they're just like criminals who really have no compassion for their victims. Criminals do not think like regular people. And so every time we try to get them to listen or change their mind or tell them how we feel, they're just using the information to manipulate us even more and bring us down. The quiet exit plan is the safest. At the women's center when women are getting beaten and are going to leave they recommend that you get your stuff together and leave quietly and disappear. They are that dangerous

    Reply
  71. Connda Pierce Posted on August 14, 2019 at 11:08 am

    Jesus said do not throw your pearls to swine. They will devour you.

    Reply
  72. Edmond Dantez Posted on August 14, 2019 at 6:10 pm

    This is a perfect description of Donald Trump.

    Reply
  73. Катерина Болдирєва Posted on August 15, 2019 at 12:49 pm

    Arguing with them useless. They have years and years of practice in lies and manipulations. They are covert and coward

    Reply
  74. Nina Road Posted on August 15, 2019 at 2:58 pm

    Oh my GOD!!! Thank you!!!!

    Reply
  75. Matt Karl Posted on August 15, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    No One honestly deserves to be cheated on at any circumstance or be with a Narcissist or someone gaslighting them this is the reason why we have failed relationships last month I suspected my wife cheating on me a friend recommended an hacker to me on instagram @mikeswilfred I contacted him and he helped me get cheating proves by helping me hack her phone giving me full access to everything she does on her phone if you suspect your spouse cheating on you text/whatsapp him +15182175945 he would help you out he his so trustworthy and reliable

    Reply
  76. Carla Valente Posted on August 16, 2019 at 1:45 am

    Ross, your job is fantastic and the kindness in your eyes is authentic, I´m sure is a mirror of your heart. Thank you so much! Hugs from Argentina

    Reply
  77. Kurtious Maximus Posted on August 16, 2019 at 4:37 am

    Actions not feelings are the way to judge. This covert narcissist concept just reinforces thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. Its the boogeyman

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  78. Dee Ding Posted on August 16, 2019 at 4:57 am

    I FEEL SORRY 4THA 5THAT R UNFORTUNATELY UN MY LIFE NOT INVITED

    Reply
  79. kimberly Anita Posted on August 16, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    Thank you Ross Rosenberg😄

    Reply
  80. ralphy 36 Posted on August 17, 2019 at 12:00 am

    How do you deal with a narcissist at work? Especially if they're in positions of power…

    Reply
  81. Alicia Grey Posted on August 17, 2019 at 5:23 am

    What if it's a group effort by the narcs to take you down? How do you handle this? Organized abuse.

    Reply
  82. Lexie Mae Posted on August 17, 2019 at 9:20 am

    The covert narcissist that I am friends with always jokes about killing me, does this mean he is actually thinking about killing me?? He will say it in passing while we are having a good time. He will say, can I kill you? And smile. I always tell him yes because I dont want to challenge him…I know how narcissists think. But now he makes the comment every time I see him. I only know that i should say yes because when he says can i bite you? And I say yes he doesn't bite me, when I say no, he bites me. I am currently trying to get out of this relationship without tripping his trigger.

    Reply
  83. KRISTINA LOWE Posted on August 17, 2019 at 4:56 pm

    Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart ❤️

    Reply
  84. kjr seattle Posted on August 17, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    yes…and I hate narcissist when they hide behind Jesus and wear their t shirts with His name on it. Really pisses me off because it turns people off to Jesus instead of realising it's A NARC NOT JESUS

    Reply
  85. Rafaela 18 Posted on August 17, 2019 at 8:38 pm

    i am kind of freaking out because a friend that i decided to seperate from recently that was toxic is actually is a covert narcissist. It's been a few days and i already see the actions she is taking to make me look bad to others. She knows i know because it's the first time i haven't had contact with her for more than a few days.. I am kind of scared :/

    Reply
  86. Shaken Grain Posted on August 18, 2019 at 12:59 am

    Above all, they love to play the victim. Easy narcissistic supply without accountability or responsibility, and those willing to give it to them are everywhere! The public is so gullible and ignorant of this manipulation!

    Passive-aggressive, yes! Figure them out, yes they will frame you and turn the situation back around on you! Retaliation hidden in kind actions – yes! Antagonizes and makes plans in presence of others to do things he knows you don't like – when he knows you can't refuse or say no without looking evil. Hid cameras in house/bathroom a/c vents trying to catch me in affair, which did not exist. Had security system installed so he could watch my coming and going from his cell phone. Uses info from counselors (and offers personal favors to develop personal relationships with them) to set you up and make you seem borderline/the evil one – yes! Always conniving behind your back to make you look bad. My ex even announced openly to the whole congregation in church just after we separated, that he was going in for heart surgery. "Just pray," he said, "but don't visit because I will be in ICU and family will be there." He never even told me he had problems. It was a setup. Surgery was real to correct a defect, but he weaponized the information to create this drama and play the victim in church. His paramour was already attending our church. And turns out he was deeply addicted to pornography – another hidden fact for 20+ years.

    Biggest setup is he was waiting for the children to get just old enough in court's eyes to let them choose who to live with. I had no clue/divorce was not in my vocabulary and I thought it wasn't in his either (church, Christian facade and all). My son stayed with me first few years, then went at pre-teen age to live with him. Daughter was older, daddy's girl for sure, he bought her a car, gave her a credit card and turned her loose at 16. She made some bad decisions looking for love in all the wrong places. Tried to manipulate a couple of guys into marrying her – they used her and ran. She is definitely showing narcissist tendencies, and ridiculed her brother for being a "momma's boy" – so they manipulated him to go with them. His manner in court when I had to sign son's custody over was sickening – he could barely contain his delight. I will always remember that smirk on his face. Son is a tender heart, easily manipulated — no clue what the future holds. A lot to mourn. They are clueless as to what their dad really is. He is so charming outwardly, and they are still being used to retaliate against me. He will dump them eventually. Already threatened to cut daughter off for living with guy, but then he let it all slide when he realized she was still useful to him. But they are both over 18 now/gone anyway. My son visits constantly, but haven't seen daughter in 2 years. Lives barely 5 miles away.

    Ex leaves me alone for most part because his circle of friends largely do not know these details about him – or how black his heart is – only the adultery because they got engaged less than a year after our divorce was final.

    Best part, though, is I hired detective and proved HIS adultery and filed divorce on him. He was trying to string out separation for one year so he could file no-fault. Our state still recognizes adultery – thank God! I have alimony for life.

    Reply
  87. Onthewall4God Posted on August 18, 2019 at 6:06 pm

    I somehow ended up with only one friend and it turns out she is a covert narcissist. I had recently been given this revelation as I knew that she needed deliverance. She is very religious and acts godly, but everything is an act. I was basically gone but my father died and this person came back in with my guard down and in grief over many things. I made the huge mistake of sharing my deepest fears and hurts and she used this against me. It was downright evil and caused me to have suicidal thoughts. I snapped out of it, thank you God, and sent the message to not contact me again.

    Reply
  88. Pran Chhiber Posted on August 18, 2019 at 8:21 pm

    My favorite talk, always so helpful. It's my lifeline…. One can't duel with a narcissist

    Reply
  89. Pran Chhiber Posted on August 18, 2019 at 8:22 pm

    ….. with a COVERT narcissist

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  90. Pran Chhiber Posted on August 18, 2019 at 8:22 pm

    Thanks, Ross

    Reply
  91. Funny Trisha Helga Memories Hyles Thoughts Posted on August 19, 2019 at 12:08 am

    Better to love person
    And when they are ready cast out demons behind them

    Reply
  92. Funny Trisha Helga Memories Hyles Thoughts Posted on August 19, 2019 at 12:23 am

    Very true good video

    Reply
  93. Ricardo Righi Filho Posted on August 19, 2019 at 4:47 am

    Thank you Dr. Ross!!! I'm very glad i finally got the nerve to snap out of that shit, even tho it was after some 3 or 4 attempts to believe in that again. Much better actress than me. Hehehehe! 🙂

    Reply
  94. Theresa Posted on August 19, 2019 at 6:34 pm

    Thank you for all that you do.

    Reply
  95. A Person Posted on August 19, 2019 at 7:37 pm

    Are all revengeful people narcissists?

    Reply
  96. Victoria Semenenko Real Life Victory Posted on August 19, 2019 at 7:50 pm

    This IS surely about George Michael

    Reply
  97. Victoria Semenenko Real Life Victory Posted on August 19, 2019 at 8:46 pm

    Thank you Mr Rosenberg

    Reply
  98. Rhondda Lesley Posted on August 20, 2019 at 9:48 am

    Leave safely, as and when you can and as soon as possible. Go no contact without exception, and live a happy and successful life and even if you’re struggling, give the impression that everything’s great.
    Unfortunately we’re never free of them even when we leave and go full no contact, they’ll turn up in our lives at some point whether it be 10 days, 10 months or 10 years later with the hope of hoovering us back in but always remember that they’ll never change and don’t ever go back because they’ll be worse.

    Reply
  99. rivka coverdale Posted on August 20, 2019 at 3:04 pm

    I did and loved it! It was great! 💃💕

    Reply
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